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My cousin Vince told me that back in the 70's, there was this really popular TV programme about a half man, half machine person called The Six Million Dollar Man. Hah! Peanuts compared to the cyborg smash of my generation, the Terminator. The film cost 100 million dollars, and Arnie was paid 15 million, so I reckon that makes Steve Majors look a real weedy wet wobbly thing by comparison. Luckily, the budget version of T2 costs slightly less.

There are nine levels in the game including two slidey-tile bonus rounds. The rest of the levels are platform beat-'em-ups which try to follow the story of the film. But, apart from some nice intro screens on each level, the game doesn't come close to putting across any of the atmosphere of the movie. T2 could have been a stunning little number on the C64... but it isn't. There's very little that hasn't been done 237 times before. If you've got a few beat-em'-ups already, it ain't gonna be worth the money to splash out on another unexceptional one. The music's smart and the sprites are dead big, so the game's great to look at and listen to. But, unless you like playing games with your eyes closed and your fingers in your ears, it's not much cop at all!

Nowhere near as good as getting special electronic implants in your legs so that you could become a super-fast, super-accurate striker for Bristol Rovers and take them to the top of the Premiere League in two seasons.