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Vroooom, vroom, vrooooooom. Nigel Mansell eat your heart out, here comes Roger 'Ello' Frames in his super-speedy Formula One racer. What a yellow-bellied worm - fancy retiring before I had a chance to knock the jammy little so-and-so off the top!

Super Monaco is no match for something like the classic Stunt Car Racer, but it's fun to play and almost captures the thrills and spills of driving round the Grand Prix circuits of Europe. It takes you through France, Brazil, Spain and finally Monaco, racing on wet and dry tyres on the wild and very bendy tracks. On each of the tracks there's a qualifying lap to race against the clock. Do well here and you've increased your chances of surviving to the final lap by at least 100 per cent.

You're on the starting light goes green... and ...you're off! Well, the other cars are, at least. They zoom off ahead of you at the speed of light but, no matter how hard I tried, my darned car wouldn't jump to full speed anywhere near as quickly as my competitors' vehicles. It got a bit better after I moved on from using automatic to manual gears, but no matter how hard I pushed the joystick my car couldn't match the initial acceleration of the others. I suppose that they think it gives you more of a challenge that way. Now who can I go and blag some sponsorship money from?

Much better than driving to Lianfairpwligwyngyligogerychwyrndrobwilllantysiliogogogoch just to see the name plate on the station's platform.