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Like you, I've often wondered what a wodge of loo paper feels like as it speeds down the bog to its watery destiny somewhere in the Irish Sea. [We can have it arranged - Ed] Well, after playing S.T.U.N. Runner, I think I've got a pretty good idea!

The premise is simple. You race along a load of tunnels, avoiding the nasty things which drift up towards you (not as nasty as the things you'll find in a sewer, though). Speed is of the essence, so you've got to keep your wits about you.

And considering you'll be looking at some pretty impressive 3D scrolling, the game is actually pretty darned fast. Your craft travels along the tube network with the speed of a startled vole being sucked up a vacuum cleaner, and you can only hang on to the joystick for dear life. (Dear life? That's a point. How much does life cost then?)

But, sadly, that's about all that happens. You whizz along, shooting things and enjoying the graphics, then, er, you go round a corner and do it some more. Not a bad little game, but it won't grasp your belt loops and force porridge through them in remembrance of the Spanish Civil War.

Not a bad game, as I said earlier (repeating myself puts the word count up and I get more dosh, you see). But S.T.U.N. Runner isn't a bad game. No, it's not a bad game. Not bad, really. Not not not. Bad bad bad. [That's enough Roger. You're not getting paid now - Ed]