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Aha! A way of making a quick pile of loot. Simply load up this so-called Shoot-'Em-Up-Construction-Kit, write a brilliant game and sell it for a huge amount of lolly.

With SEUCK you can create your own games without knowing the slightest thing about machine code, sprite-movement algorithms or South-East Asian politics.

Once loaded, the program asks you which aspects of your game to work on first. You can design the sprites (the bits that move) from scratch, or you can modify the ones which come with the game. The same is true of all the other stuff as well; you can nick the ideas which GBH have included, or you can start from new. You can save any of the bits you're happy with at any time.

SEUCK comes with its own pre-made games for you to play or customise. And they're not at all bad. The graphics are pretty good and, although you're in no danger of thinking that you're looking at Rainbow Islands Part 3, there's nothing really wrong with them.

And the beauty of the thing is, you can control every aspect of your game. There's the speed of movement, the points when zapped, the hits to kill, the bullet speed, the special effects, the crumbliest, flakiest milk chocolate in the world. Oh, everything. As well as the sprites, you can muck around with the background, which is divided into five-by-five characters. Design your own or use the ones provided then slot them into place on the map to create your own unique landscape.

Amazingly (for someone with as little money as me) I could go on and on about what you can get up to with this program. It's brilliant (and GBH can quote me on that, as long as they chuck 50p my way). However, you might be thinking, "this sounds all very complicated. I don't know if it's for me". If you are, then rest assured, SEUCK has a large sheet included (at no extra cost) which tells you everything you need to know about the program. It's even written in a jokey and easy-to-understand style. Completely fantastic.

All that remains to do is show you pictures of the game I've been working on, collect my massive cheque for doing this extra-big review (cheers, Trenty) and get on Rutger's Raleigh Chopper and head back to his place for sausage.

DIY has never been so easy. SEUCK is better than finding the ownership documents (unsigned) to a chocolate milkshake factory in Dumbartonshire, then being given a three-quarter-sized Porsche to go and visit it in.