Four games on one cassette. Now that's what I call two-games-on-each-side-ali-cious. But, as always, we've got to check the quality of the four before hurling £3.99 at the bewildered shop assistant. And there's only one way to do that - subject each one to the rigorous Frames play-test routine...

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Right. Here you play a tiny sprite who must run along a load of platforms, jumping on people's heads. Sounds like real life? Not at all. Jump on the right heads and you collect weapons which allow you to kill without the slightest hint of more head-jumping. The graphics are small, the combat is rather weedy and you keep falling off. It's not that impressive, to be frank and earnest (that well-known Blackpool double-act). Still, there are eight levels of this stuff, so if you are enraptured by little running-about guys, there's a lot of it to get into.

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I'm bionic you know. No, really. I have a stainless steel appendix worth over 40. I think of it as an investment. [So you reckon there's going to be a big market for metal organs? Strange person - Ed]. Er, anyway, Bionic Ninja has big, fast sprites that run about like Linford Christie. You are one, and you must punch and kick your way past loads of blokes who burst when you hit them.

It doesn't have an expensive feel, but then again, it isn't expensive. It also doesn't have a particularly good feel, but then again, it isn't particularly good. One of those games which can be called 'not bad for an occasional bash'.

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Who'd want to go around kicking boxes? Racehorses, presumably. Or Tom O'Connor. [Um, you've lost me there, I'm afraid - Ed] But it's not important. What matters is that you must fight the fearsome 'other bloke'. Punch, kick, kick, head-butt and kick some more until the 'other bloke' falls, stunned.

It's a one-on-one combat affair, and even if you're good at it, you still die because your energy isn't replenished between every bout.

It's pretty smooth, though, and there are a lot of different moves you can do. But, on the whole, it's not that special, so unless you're related to Bruce and Christopher Lee, you won't go into a frenzy over it.

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They call me Roger Eastwood, the man with no name. [Believe me, Roger, we've got many names for you and Eastwood isn't one of them! - Ed] I've got a six-gun the size of, well, a powerful sidearm, actually. And I've got a depression the size of the Grand Canyon after playing this game.

It's rubbish, sadly. My stingy-but-honest nature doesn't permit me to tell lies (unless I've done something wrong), so I have to tell it like it is.

You walk along a street avoiding the odd barrel that bounces towards you. People pop up out of windows and shoot at you. You must turn and shoot them. It's a load of nonsense. And when you've taken enough damage you fall over (at last, some reasonable animation) and you die.

Utter, utter nonsense, I'm afraid. If the legendary Clint Eastwood were still alive, he'd be turning in his grave.

So there you have it. Four games, four quid, four minutes of your life wasted. I'd rather be tied up by Swiss renegades and forced to eat unpleasant continental food than buy this. Zeppelin have got loads of better games than this - buy those instead!

Four rather grim games here. Kick Box Vigilante and Bionic Ninja aren't too bad. But on the whole, it's worse than calling yourself Graham Gooch and pouring a ton of sand into Poole harbour for no reason other than because it was there!