Previous Next

You've had comic heroes in your favourite games, you've had games based on your favourite TV show, you've played your favourite arcade games in the comfort of your own home, now play a rock star. Yes, you too (U2, geddit?) can play Bono, but unfortunately not in the form of the pony-tailed Celtic wailer from Dublin. This Bono is in fact a dragon, and unfortunately we never get to hear him sing!

This Bono has a far less glamorous occupation that his namesake, his job is to sell soap to giant monsters with a massive B.O. problem. The way in which he does this is that he owns a castle by the sea, and in this castle are lots of skeletons. Far from scaring our hero, he uses them for his soap selling business. When he finds the skeleton he must take them to the nearest cauldron and boil them! Five skeletons produce just enough soap for each monster to have a lovely warm bath.

Well, as you may have guessed your job is to control Bono, and make his enterprising little business thrive.

What could be more simple than that? God, you lot are gullible, you really believe that this was all there is to it? No, no, no, there are many hazards... more locked doors is just one of them. Yes, a current feature in almost every arcade adventure is the art of finding the keys and Bonecruncher is no different. If you find yourself trapped, you are going to have to press the self-destruct button that has so thoughtfully been included.

Floating around your castle (as usual) are three types of nasties, each one deadly in its own way. The Glooks are probably the most common type of annoyance in the place. They are usually found lying stationary and are completely harmless when they are like this. But once you have been to the cauldron and made some soap, this is where a glook comes into its own. After a period of seconds every glook on the level will come flying in one particular direction and more often than not that direction is towards you! Spiders also come round every so often. These are quite innocent creatures who just go about their own way, walking around in circles, but don't go up and stroke them, because although they mean well, they'll kill you if you touch them. Monsters however aren't so innocent. If you should release them they will chase directly after you and, unless you can trick them into falling through a trap door, or trap them in a horde of glooks, Bono is a gonner.

Not too easy, eh? There is someone who will help you though, your ever-faithful (but thick as a moose) friend Fozzy. Fozzy will kill monsters if they should cross his path, but as he is stupid he will often get lost and killed... so you will have to be very careful with him, or he'll run off somewhere and die!

Despite initial scoffing by one Nick 'Fat Lad' Kelly at the main character's in starting resemblance to a rather famous Celtic rockstar, the game is rather good. The sprites are large and boldly represented. It's about time that a game came out which didn't require a magnifying glass to identify the main character. But the main high point of the game is its trickiness. Learning what to do is so easy, but mastering it is nigh impossible.

I have to say that many will find this game a little drab-looking but don't judge a game by its packaging. Go out and buy it. Many a lesser reviewer would have ended this review with a corny reference to U2, but not me, I shall retain my pride! [Groan! - Ed]