The deputy editor would like to make it absolutely clear that we, Official PlayStation 2 Magazine, furiously desire Jennifer Farner as a matter of editorial policy. "Bear in mind we fancy Jennifer Garner a lot," warned the freshly deputised Mr. Tim Clark, clutching Alias and seemingly unaware his finger was circling the hole in the disc with increasing speed. "This needs to be mentioned." The disc began to hum and rose to a shimmering wail, like a wine glass. Several windows blew at once. Abruptly the finger stopped and his good eye misted over. "Possibly... at length." And, honestly, both eyes rolled up into his head. After ten rather embarrassing minutes, this writer made his excuses, turned and left.

So, not being Alias fans, we did a little 'research' into Miss Garner and, by jove, the girl could withstand a thorough fettling, make no mistake. Possibly the developer is hoping the chance to watch an impressive copy of her stiletto-ing around, dressed as a cocktail waitress - which is how it begins - will flog the game to easily skirt-whipped men. By that we mean all of us. There's a far greater chance, however, they're hoping we'll buy it because it's really good fun to play. Because it is.

Yes, despite the (sort of) big money licence, Alias actually resembles its parents rather than some bastard offspring with the incongruous hair of the milkman. She's the glory of Croft and Bond rolled into one (Boft?), an elegant, agile spy, laden with gadgets but keeping one slim-ankled foot in the real world - hence the need for disguises, ingenious self-defence and an all-seeing backup team. And it's funny. The self-deprecating post-Buffy visit wit of the show appears here too, thanks mainly to the spluttering geekery of Marshall Flinkman, Alias' answer to 007's Q.

Anyway. Rewind. What's it all about? It's rather inevitably a third-person action adventure with stealth elements - usually shorthand for shoddy cash-cow - and, true enough, at heart it does nothing new. You run around getting into fights, avoid the odd guard by watching his patrol/hiding in the shadows, and you press switches. You creep around incredibly obvious laser beam security systems and tick off mission objectives. Worse, it seems terrified of letting you fail, with save points and enemy brain cells both scattered like Hob Nob crumbs on a gamer's T-shirt.

Obviously Acclaim Studios Cheltenham don't want to alienate fans of the show who aren't really gamers, though of course they risk alienating fans of PS2 who only watch 'erotic thrillers' late on C5, not Alias. Then again, we've been to Cheltenham and (a) couldn't find a place to buy a coffee but (b) could find a place to buy rifles and telescopic sights, so perhaps it's not sensible to pursue this. What do they do for elevenses? Snipe people?

There's not even any health to find, as Sydney (yes, that's her name) slowly recovers whenever she's not being attacked. And you can fight everyone if you like, right in front of the security cameras - back up arrives but the mission goes on. Does all this sound bad, rather than fun? Certainly, the enemies in EA's latest Bond game are deadlier, the stealth in Metal Gear is tougher and the alarms in Splinter Cell are more meaningful. But tits to all that. This makes you laugh.

Sydney has a wealth of context-sensitive attacks and blocks, including wrestling-style moves involving nearby walls, tasty-looking rearward assaults (she regularly finds herself surrounded) and the ability to steal people's weapons mid-fight. It goes way beyond nerdish gun-porn, too, as fundamentally humorous items such as brooms and frying pans join wrenches, bottles and pipes in the fray. They can even be used in special stealth attacks, and you'll discover all manner of flamboyant moves just by accident. And while it's all pretty simplistic for the player, it's just so joyfully done, and so solidly and stylishly animated, you want to forgive it. Even Mother Theresa would have loved blowing people over railings in this game. She really dug that kind of thing.

The gadgets sound fantastic - mini-cam, remote modem, fingerprint replicator, DNA scanner and so on - though you're always prompted to use them, so really they act in the same way as keys. Still fun, though, Letter-based hacking puzzles and a quivering-pad lockpick system stolen shamelessly from Splinter Cell are also a buzz, particularly with the latter's use of picture-in-picture to show threats behind you. This actually occurs around many objectives and, as with XIII's inventive approach, it somehow adds more than it should. In fact, while the whole game's demonstrably not great in theory, it's fun in practice. And that's not even relying on the licence or the sexiness of Jennifer Garner, whom we fancy a lot now we've seen the gigabytes of surely-fake pictures on deputy Tim's perplexingly sinister white laptop...

Graphics 90%
Lovely animations, scenery, short skirt. Mmmm.

Sound 80%
Worthwhile script and voices are a relief.

Gameplay 70%
Somehow transcends a barrage of clichés.

Lifespan 70%
Good selection of in-depth missions.

Overall 80%
If it were a movie, it'd be Die Hard 2. We feel guilty for enjoying it, but while it's uncomplicated it doesn't treat you like an idiot either.