Volleyball. I ask you. What is it all about? For the uninitiated, this bizarre practice involves two teams of six people knocking a ball backwards and forwards to each other with their wrists. I kid you not.

It is perhaps because the logical point of such a pursuit is shrouded in mystery that volleyball is accorded such little credibility. To most people, volleyball is something only witnessed in old-fashioned nudist colony films. The upwardly energetic nature of the sport lent it perfectly to lingering shots of nubile young ladies' bouncing bristols as they lunged for high-flying balls.

For the rest of us, volleyball is the domain of the Sky Sports channel. The all-girl championships broadcast from California in the early hours feature nothing but suitably dressed sportswomen. Needless to say, all those tuning in after the pubs shut are true connoisseurs of this most elegant sport. The competitors' jugs don't enter into things at all.

All of which leads us not-so-neatly to Virtual Volleyball, and the chance to harness the complete experience from the comfort of your favourite armchair. Except it's not Californian. And everyone's got their clothes on. And none of them are women.

A novel way of deciding who opens the game sees both sides play the paper-scissors game. Depending on which button you press on your joypad, you can form your fist into the shape of scissors, paper or stone. If your opponent forms paper to your scissors, for example, then he or she loses. A stone, however, would blunt your scissors. Whoever gets one up, can choose to start.

We can't tell one European flag from another round here so we just opted for the prettiest ones. If you're as crap at geography as we are, it's a relief to discover that the other chances you get to identify your team include a rundown of the players' nationalities and a hilarious husky voice which announces who has possession of the ball during the game.

When the ball glows red, this tells you to get ready to return a volley.

The vanquished loser skulks off the court, while the winner prances to glory. Smug git.

Quite possibly the first volleyball simulation attempted anywhere in the known universe.

Through a combination of low, medium and high-level attack, attempt to out-manoeuvre your opponent.

Hmmmm. I'm firmly of the opinion that there's little point in sitting down to play most sports simulations on a console when you can go out and play them for real. Although there are some notable exceptions to this rule, Virtual Volleyball isn't one of them.

Maybe it would be fairest to leave these negative predispositions aside and judge this game on how well it simulates the game of volleyball, but even here it falls flat. Any excitement that might have been generated by an accurate representation of this fast-moving sport is lost by the reduction of all ball contact to rigidly pre-programmed sequences.

The main influence the player has over the game lies in simply initiating one of these sequences when the ball enters his or his side of the court.

People wouldn't put up with such an unresponsive football sim, and the novelty of this being volleyball shouldn't let it off the hook.

Volleyball was one of the sports I played at school, principally because it was in the warm hall, and we were allowed to play Mel and Kim tapes on a large tape recorder. However, it's a damned hard game to pull off on console because play is so repetitive - dig, set, spike, dig, set, spike... Imagineer haven't found a novel way to get around this - if anything, their approach makes the game even more tedious.

Instead of controlling players, you time the response of the whole team. That means hitting the button well before the characters respond, giving no feeling of contact. Visually the game looks quite shoddy, suggesting this was a very early Saturn development that took time to come to fruition.

I do like the music though, and the animation sometimes gives a fair impression of what volleyball looks like in action.

Graphics 69%
N. It's sticklebrick time again. Looks dated already.

Animation 72%
P. Smooth enough to keep the game flowing without a hitch. N. Set patterns of player movements soon become noticeable.

Music 80%
P. Jaunty enough to keep you amused when the game doesn't.

Effects 70%
P. The ref's whistle is good fun, and the players' plimsolls squeak against the court realistically.

Playability 62%
N. Frustration gives way to predictability, then fatigue.

Lastability 48%
N. Volleyball buffs won't get bored if they can master the curious technique.

Overall 61%
The Saturn deserves better. For volleyball freaks only.