Whoever invented Troopa Truck should be put in a truck of his own design, taken out into the desert, and dumped. Never has a game infuriated so much by so few attempts to play it.

Let's start with the action. You are a truck. Like in the popular arcade games you have to move across the screen, blastin' boulders and jumpin' over any obstacles in your path. You are also plagued by airborne craft which must be eliminated before they blow holes in your way. It quickly became apparent to me that if I held down the fire button continuously, I could simultaneously eliminate the boulders and the flying craft. So there I lurked, never using any speed so that I could see what was coming. That's it. You carry on, sweaty mitt on button, until you get zapped, which you always do. For some obstacles are simply insurmountable. So you fall victim and the performance starts all over again.

Good points: When the truck is destroyed, the chassis collapses and sinks to the ground. The wheels fall off and scatter, making a rippingly good 'churning-scrunch' sound. The truck noise itself is really great - sounds just like the brisk clip-clop of a horse. (Though Thrang knows why a truck wants to sound like a horse.)

All this joy crystallises against a background as eye-catching as a plate full of mud. Flat layers of colour form a landscape designed by a kindergarten impressionist. If I could spell what a raspberry sounds like, I'd blow one here.