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That wacky, zany, way out, 'oh what an atmosphere' guy Russ Abbot is now a member of that innumerable band of television personalities who have metamorphosed into the binary medium. And who has he got to thank? Probe Software, that's who. The game revolves around Russ Abbot's wacky, zany character Basildon Bond from the Russ Abbot Madhouse. Poor old wacky Basildon has to recover a set of zany secret codes. His boss 'P' (re-named 'B' to confuse the KGP (Ha! Ha! I think I'm going to wet myself)) has given Basildon his orders and the codes must retrieved within five hours or... Well the scenario doesn't really detail 'or'. To aid you on your quest, both the wacky, zany Cooperman and the wacky, and even more zany, Blunderwoman are present.

To unlock the codes, Basildon must piece together some of the worst and oldest jokes in the business. These are hidden in various rooms within a television studio and once a complete joke is pieced together, it must be logged into the main computer. It's not that easy though - where would the zany fun be if it was? To use certain objects, for example the computer, certain other artifacts must be found first.

As you've most probably guessed, this is an arcade adventure. As in any good aardvark, there are baddies out to get you. The baddies after Basildon are just as wacky and zany as he is - they're TV cameras. If one bumps into the super secret agent, then a big slice of time is lost from the countdown.

There are two sections to the main viewing screen: a top window showing Basildon's current position and a lower status screen detailing any objects carried. Only one object con be carried at a time, making the overall solution very complex indeed. To travel between different screens, Basildon must be guided through one of the doors in view. The next room then flicks onto the screen.

Basildon is quite a versatile chap and takes his orders from the joystick, should it be connected. Left and right, predictably enough, move him left and right. To move up and down the many stairways about the place you have to use the diagonals. The fire button has a special function, in that it calls up Cooperman for help. Good old Cooperman flies from right to left across the screen and can be moved up or down with the joystick. Any baddies are instantly converted to a wash of pixels when Cooperman zooms over them. This allows wacky Bas to progress past previously unexplored ground, but the trouble is that upon re-entering the room, the formerly mashed nasty returns. Cooperman can only be used ten times and one call out of ten summons up Blunderwoman, who usually causes more damage than good.

Death is dealt out when Cooperman's time is up, though it will take rather a lot of doing with the five hours supplied.

The chunky graphics and naff sound put me off initially, but I persevered to see if the actual game was any cop. Unfortunately it isn't. I enjoy arcade adventures and although this is an unusual variation on the theme, I didn't find it interesting to play at all. The pace is too slow for my liking and there isn't a great deal to do when it boils down to it. I'm not overly keen on Russ Abbot's television show, but I would rather watch that than play the game.

Basildon Bond is a pretty boring arcade adventure, which doesn't seem to have any relevance to the TV show. The graphics are very basic, with blocky sprites wobbling around the screen. The sound isn't much better and the gameplay is about the same standard as the graphics. What results is a sub standard game which I couldn't really recommend to anybody apart from a really desperate arcade adventurer.

If Basildon is looking for the oldest and worst jokes in the industry why doesn't he just take a quick scan through his script. I'm sorry, but even taking Basildon Bond as a simple arcade adventure, it compares very badly with the competition. The graphics are so old-fashioned looking it's ridiculous. Soundwise things aren't very much better than on the graphics front - a grating tune with even more irritating sound effects. Why the industry can't face up to the fact that programs based on licensed characters can't and don't work, I don't know.

Presentation 45%
Quite unexceptional really, nothing of note, good or bad.

Graphics 38%
Sprites made from Lego seem to be the order of the day.

Sound 39%
Nothing noticeably outstanding at all.

Hookability 43%
Unless you live, breath and eat arcade adventures, and they are your only joy in life, you won't be very hooked...

Lastability 42%
... or even too fussed about playing it for any amount of time.

Value For Money 37%
A below average game for an above average price.

Overall 43%
Not the best arcade adventure in the world, but certainly not the worst.