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Tai Chi's an unusual choice of martial art for a computer game. Being a 'soft', internal style, the emphasis is on defence and meditation rather than kicking and punching seven shades of poo out of everyone you meet.

Don't trust the inlay when it says it originates in Japan either - it's Chinese (Get your act together, Zeppelin!) Old Shellback's task is to track down the evil Vincent Ratatoui. who has stolen the world's cheese supply. And guess where he's hiding - the sewers!!!

Gameplay is a standard a platform-and-ladders arcade adventure, where you use the right object in the right place to advance. The problems aren't particularly interesting, though, and some aren't even logical - for example, to open the sewer entrance you must give the scroll to the monk, who casts an opening spell. Obvious really, isn't it?

The baddies who try to deplete your energy bar are equally uninspiring. They've no minds of their own, just wandering back and forth endlessly. Although this is supposed to be a martial arts game, Tai Chi Tortoise lacks the offensive moves of his amphibian lookalikes, so you can't fight back - it seems to me the only reason they used a Tai Chi theme at all is because it rhymed!

The only way to get past baddies is to time your jumps so you avoid bumping into them, making the game appear very dated. Other hazards include acid baths, spikes, crumbling floors ((c) Manic Miner 1983), steam, etc, etc.

Obviously, Zeppelin have seen how well the Dizzy games are doing, and decided to grab themselves a piece of the action. Alas, it just didn't work - Tai Chi himself hasn't the same cutesy appeal as his ovoid competitor, and the game as a whole lacks addictiveness and character.

On the plus side, the graphics are good, though there's a little clash. If you're mad keen on platform-based arcade adventures you might get some mileage out of it, especially if you're into drawing maps and the like. I can't say it appealed to me though. There's just too much arcade and not enough adventure, and neither element is really up to scratch. Fans of the genre might like it just don't expect anything too spectacular.

Oh dear, I'm sad to say that Tai Chi Tortoise is only average, even as a budget release. Tai Chi is a defensive martial art, so why the hell didn't the programmer give the tortoise Karate or Judo skills, and thus the ability to kick the crap out of attackers. All the character does when set upon is stand there and take it, and there I was yelling, "Hit the barst, go on kick 'im". But no, the bleedin' tortoise was like a statue - rotten killjoy I say.

To be fair though, the graphics aren't too bad - at least the tortoise is recognisable (it reminded me of that old cartoon character Touché Turtle). Lord only knows what some of the attacking creatures are though, most defy description and some look very rude indeed. Don't get me wrong, the game isn't a complete and utter waste of space, I just prefer something with a bit more blood and guts in it (loadsa tomato ketchup ahoy). Tai Chi Tortoise is an average collect-'em-up that won't appeal to the bloodthirsty gits among you.

Presentation 70%
Fair to middling with interesting loading screen.

Graphics 75%
Some nice touches, but a little sprite clash.

Sound 79%
Good background tune, but too few spot effects.

Hookability 69%
Will appeal to arcade adventure addicts.

Lastability 59%
Same hazards and...

Overall 63%