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The whistle blows. The crowd roars. And they're off... 22 injection-moulded plastic players spin, slide and wobble a lot over a cloth-covered table.

Subbuteo has been with us for over 40 years. It's a sort of table-top footie sim, where you ping your players around a pitch with your pinkies (you flick them) in an effort to put a ball the size of a small county in the back of the opposing team's net.

A set of complicated rules, almost, but not quite, entirely unlike football's have to be observed. You have to flick your players at the ball. The ball remains in your possession every time you strike it. You cannot go for the ball when the other player has possession, but you can take a "defensive flick" instead. You gain possession if the ball goes into you, or the other player fails to hit it. Simple, eh? Well, there is a bit more to it than that, but those are the basics.

Now the thought of putting all this into a computer game may seem a bit of a daft idea. It didn't deter Electronic Zoo, though. The company reasons that it's much more suitable than trying to simulate the real game of footer, because it's designed for just two players in the first place, rather than 22.

Not all the pitch is in view at once. The screen can be scrolled up and down to display the rest of the playing area, though. This does mean that sometimes you cannot see all that's happening, but is preferably to having a tiny ground to play on.

On your turn, you can select any of your players. Once you've chosen the one to flick, the direction is decided by rotating a small spot around the player. It's quite fine-tuned, but you cannot always hit the ball directly at the angle you wish. Then comes the actual flicking. Two parameters are involved here. The power, and the spin. A couple of bars to represent them appear at the side of the screen. Keep the button pressed down and the power bar rises. Let go to select the strength of your shot. A similar system is used to get the right amount of spin on the player. It's quite tricky to get both the strength and spin exactly how you want them.

You have the option to play against the computer or a friend. There's an eight-player league which can be made up from a combination of human or computerised contenders. At the start of each game the duration of each half needs to be set. This can be anything from a minute upwards, and preset at 15 mins a side.

The computer can play to three skill levels: Amateur, League and International. The computer plays very well. It seems to consider all the possibilities before eventually selecting the best move. The pitch is scrolled up and down while the machine is 'thinking', just as if you were playing a person. When it has made up its mind, it shoots using the same system as a human player - but usually with pinpoint accuracy!

The problem is that the computer is just too darn good. The different levels seem irrelevant. Even on the lowest, it seems able to get to the ball from impossible positions. What's worse is that it's unfair. It hits home with shots that a human player couldn't even *hope* to attempt.

The game is quirky too. Rather improbable physical laws govern strength, spin and angles. What seems to work in one instance may not work in another. This means that once you've mastered the basics, it's difficult to improve.

One-player games therefore, are frustrating - you know you'll lose every time. Two player games are a different matter altogether though... the quirks are still there but, as you are both at the same disadvantage, it makes for a very competitive - and controversial - match.

Subbuteo, then, is very much a game for two players. If you don't have any chums, then don't bother. Get a group of pals together, though, and you'll have hours of fun.

Subbuteo takes dedication, and real skill to master. However, it is certainly quirky, and if you don't have the patience, it will frustrate and annoy you.

Score a goal against the computer.

Graphics 45%
N. Round blobs aren't exactly the prettiest thing.

Sonics 0%
N. Not a squeak!

Grab Factor 65%
N. Control is initially fiddly and difficult.

Staying Power 82%
P. Once mastered, two player games are excellent.

Overall 75%
P. A fun, but quirky, game.