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Nudge, nudge, wink, wink. Fancy a game of strip poker? You know, that game you used to play at school when the bike shed was out of bounds. Perhaps you never got invited to join in that sort of game. If not, and you happen to own a Plus 4, here's your chance to find out what you've been missing. In case you're already getting hot under the collar, I'll let you into a little secret. The answer is... not a lot. Well, not from the game anyway.

The two ladies who invite you to discover what they're made of are Suzi and Melissa and you must select one at the start of the game. The lass in question starts off with $100. Should you manage to relieve her of her money, she will borrow another hundred at the cost of one item of clothing. The game is five card draw poker. An initial ante, betting based on your original hand, change as many cards as you want and try to improve your hand, another round of betting and the final showdown.

The girls are supposed to play in their "own individual styles" but I didn't have time to discover what this style was as it only took me a total of twenty minutes to totally disrobe both of them. This included reloading the game because, once you have beaten one of the girls, you cannot select the other.

Let it be said as well that I am really not a good poker player - I know the rules and that's about it. Twenty minutes to finish a game suggests that the playability is just ever-so-slightly wrong.

So, the crunch question. What are the pictures like? Chortle, chortle. There are five digitised images for each young lady and the best way to describe them is to imagine Page 3 of The Sun... smudged! They are about as erotic as a wet weekend in Sheffield, although the fact that I was sitting there dressed in hat, overcoat, scarf, gloves and half a dozen jumpers just in case I lost could have had something to do with it!

Seriously though, if you must get your jollies this way, go and buy a copy of Playboy. The women are still plastic but at least you can see exactly what it is you're missing.