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Help! A robbery! But never fear, here's... (ra-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-taaa!!!)... Here's... (ra-ta-ta-taa?) Here... oh, never mind!

If you'd been looking down a shotgun, waiting for Street Hawk to save you, you might well have decided to hand over the money after all. It was obviously such a nice day that Street Pigeon decided to walk. Of course Street Budgie put in an abortive appearance last year, but this was so dire it flew out almost immediately it had flown in.

Twelve months later and cue Street Cuckoo - version two - swooping in with all the grace of an ostrich wearing wellies. If I was Ocean I'd have let this one fly south for the winter. It's a real Street Dodo.

So what's it all about? Screen one and you're astride that throbbing monstrosity, Street Sparrow, racing to a heist. Seen from above, it's a case of dodge the innocent Sunday drivers and shoot up the criminals' cars, which calls for little skill and offers less excitement. It plays so slowly you'll soon understand why Street Penguin took so long to arrive.

After dicing with death in that section - and I do mean death... have you ever fallen asleep while driving a motorbike? - you have to shoot the baddies as they run from the scene of the crime. Criminal is certainly a term that comes to mind. Shooting fish in a barrel is another.

After that... well, just re-read the last paragraph but one. In its favour, Street Peacock looks pretty good, but it's as threatening as a three day old chick. And it isn't even particularly well programmed. Even when you've received maximum damage and can't do anything it continues to urge you on.

Really, if I want some two wheel action, I'd prefer Paperboy's BMX. Never has a game been more aptly titled than Street Turkey.