Previous Next

Hang about, this is just a little confusing. I can understand a company dragging out a good idea by creating sequels and rehashes and whatnot, but I can't fathom out for the life of me why those lovely Masters of Code should choose to release a continuation of their previous full-price release, Four Soccer Simulators. Let's all confess together shall we, FSS wasn't very good, was it?

SGF is awful, but entertaining in the way that it's laughably bad. It's the little 'added extras' that make it funny. Put your ear right up next to the page and listen closely, and I'll explain in great detail.

Both players take control of an 11-a-side Bronx Street gang, and meet in some deserted alley to do battle. Or rather, to do football. This isn't your average, normal boring football game. This is a game where the rules don't apply, and a foul or disallowed goal results in a right old spiffing punch-up.

The punch-ups are nothing short of side splitting. They usually start with a sprog with a speech bubble saying something like 'Goal'. This is then followed up with about another ten sprogs all shouting different things, resulting in a bit of a scrap. 'Goal'. 'No it wasn't', 'Yes it was', 'No it wasn't', 'Grrr', 'Do you want to fight about that', 'Yes', 'Alright then', 'Let's go' etc. The fight itself is a small cloud of dust in the middle of a circle of cheering lads. To win the fight you have to waggle your joystick as fast as possible, making your energy meter go up and your opponents go down. The first player who's energy meter hits zero, loses.

The football game itself is pretty bad. Insofar as still graphics go, it's not that bad. The backdrops are very detailed, and the men are characteristically designed. Now, when it all starts moving, well that's another story. The scrolling is slow and jerky and the animation, what there is of it, is just as slow and jerky.

It plays badly. By bad, I mean you seem to have very little control over the game. Your man seems to change direction at random and a lot of the game is spent without a player on screen. I am a great fan of computer football games, but I had absolutely no fun playing this one.

Amusing but pretty darn terrible football mess. The 'fun' is short lived.