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Scouser-Gitt, probably the best but most unemployable, one-legged space fighter pilot this side of the Orion Nebula, has got a job. All he has to do is pilot his Star Goose fighter over the eight vertically-scrolling surfaces of the planet Nom's supply rings, collecting six precious crystals as he goes.

The Noms are not ones to leave their crystals unprotected, though. The Chief Nom has posted his best Nom warriors in strategic positions on the rings' surface, where they can use Nom missiles and Nom Heavy-Light blasters to knock seven shades of Tipp-Ex out of Scouser-Gitt and his ilk - unless he can do it to them first.

To deflect Nom projectiles, the Star Goose comes with a handy deflector shield which requires constant topping up as it takes hits. Energy, shots and missiles can be replenished by flying through tunnels on the ring's surface and collecting large stone eyes. Doesn't life get weird now and then?

I settled down with the joystick, sure that any game with such an unlikely title had to be good. Wrong. Star Goose is a pretty average vertically-scrolling blast.

There's very little variation during or even between levels, the only real event being to enter the 3D eye-collection sequence - and even that just isn't exciting.

The game is well catered for graphically, but the music sounds just like an ST. A great disappointment after Star Ray.

The package claims that Star Goose is "the first truly original vertical scroller in years" - but after the impressive opening sequence, I was shocked to find this was really nothing special at all.

I found play really bland, not to mention difficult. My past experience, with shoot-'em-ups compelled me to get the Star Goose going at a moderate speed, but this only made crashing inevitable.

In fact, your only real chance in the game is to fly at very low speeds, and this draws the levels out longer than my patience could stand.

Presentation 77%
Nice opening sequence and the expected options. Free poster.

Graphics 69%
Crisp sprites and good hilly landscape representation but not a lot of variety.

Sound 38%
ST standard tunes and spot FX.

Hookability 45%
First impressions are favourable, but...

Lastability 35%
...little graphical or gameplay variety between levels leads to intense tedium.

Overall 37%
A nicely presented but terminally dull shoot-'em-up.