Previous Next

I think before we go any further into this review, I should mention something. People with no taste for colour shouldn't be allowed to design graphics for computer games - Skull And Crossbones looks hideous. I know that graphics shouldn't affect gameplay, but I draw the line here. Anyway, let's resume as normal.

Ooh ar me 'arties! Avast and astern! Land-lubbers, etc. It be a game about sailing the oigh seas! Ooh arr yeah. So there's you, along with One Eye and Red Dog on a voyage to recover your treasure from an evil sorcerer. So off you stomp around ships, harbours, and planks and stab people with your sword.

You run onto the first level, sword drawn, dive into the swarming crowd of pirates, and begin hacking and slaying. The incredibly chivalrous pirates attack you one at a time (just like in all the best Errol Flynn films). Bumping off the bad guys (complete with head scarves) is a straightforward task that you could get the knack of in no time at all, so all that's left is collecting treasure, following ghosts and being beaten up by salty sea-dogs.

And off we trot through level upon level of swash-buckling action, with our valiant hero (or heroine) defeating armies of people in strange blue hats. The one thing you will notice here, though, is the fact that they are separate levels. They take ages to load, you see. It's the second of this month's multi-loaders. Which means that all the sword-swishing flitters away into the background compared with the cold steel feeling in your stomach when you see the words "PRESS PLAY ON TAPE".

When I first loaded it, I expected it to be a fairly mediocre platformy killing thing. When it loaded, and the screen scrolled painfully about, I reached for the power switch thinking "I'm not really in the mood today," but for some reason I carried on. And though it takes an age to load, it really is quite fun.

This is where we find that vital lesson in gameplay - the loveliest graphics in the world won't automatically make a good game. Take Death Chase (on the Speccy) - it's got all the beauty of a dirty anorak, but it's unbelievably addictive. I think we can draw a similar conclusion here, really, except that the graphics aren't all that bad. They've just got some of the most garish colours the rainbow has to offer.

Sonics. Oh dear. You'd expect them to be passable. You'd expect them to be there. Bad luck - they're not. It seems incredible that someone would ever release a game in this day and age with absolutely no sound effects, but they have. Make of this what you may. I'm speechless. [Hurrah. - Ed] If we had a picture of me looking aghast, it'd be here somewhere.

And as for gameplay and grab factor, well... Skull And Crossbones is not what it appears to be. As far as grabbing goes, Skull And Crossbones weakly paws at you, and gives up dejectedly. But if you do manage to hold the contents of your stomach long enough to see a bit more of the game, you'll find it's really quite good fun. Granted, you probably won't be playing it for months and months, but for a budget re-release, you should be quite pleased with your buy.

Graphics 60%
Moderate graphics, with bile-inducing colours that may or may not turn you right off.

Sonics 10%
There's no sound, but if there was, you'd probably have to turn it down, so maybe it's a blessing.

Grab Factor 65%
I think the less said the better...

Staying Power 85%
It's creepy! You will actually notice yourself having rather a good time, but hey, weird world.

Overall 87%
All in all it's been a strange day. I think I'll lie down for a bit now.