Previous Next

The time for news story puns and dumb jokes is over because the famous (infamous?) page three girl has arrived in her very own computer game. It features five mono, digitised pictures of Miss Fox in various states of undress as she plays you at poker and a version of seven card stud played against three computer opponents.

For anyone who's played poker it won't take too long to see all the pictures of Sam, all you need is a bit of patience. It isn't of course worth the effort - you might just as well go out and buy a copy of a downmarket newspaper and see the same thing printed rather larger and a lot more clearly. Sam may take the occasioned large pot off you but if the program is to have any value at all it has to come from the four player option.

This allows you to take on three other players at seven card stud and fortunately they don't take their clothes off. The rules and playing procedure are the same for both games so if you know seven card stud you don't need to know anything else.

A hand starts with each player putting in an "ante" of one (you start with 1,000 points - remember you're playing for fun not money). Each player is then dealt two cards face down which only he can look at. A third card is then dealt face up. At this point the betting starts and passes clockwise around the table until all players have finished.

There are five basic options depending on the situation: pass - a player takes no further part in the hand, check - stay in game without placing money in the pot, bet - put a stake in the pot, call - match a previous player's bet, raise - call another player's bet and increase it. The computer decides which ones are available to you and puts a limit on how much you can stake each time.

Three more cards are dealt face up to each player with betting continuing after each round until the final seventh card is dealt face down. The final round of betting takes place, after which the cards are revealed and the player who can form the best hand of five cards from his seven wins the pot. Play then proceeds to another hand until all but one player has gone bust.

The game plays pretty good poker but loses all the tension of bluff and the excitement of gambling. The "hook" in having Sam Fox is totally pointless and, for many, offensive. The less we see of this sort of "game" the better.

Poker is a game that needs real live opponents, strip poker doubly so. There's no excitement to either game, and no real difficulty either. You can argue about sexism amongst yourselves, but any poker game I can beat is not worth playing, let alone shelling out good money for.

It's still playable in green, and it's still not worth playing.

P. Plays reasonably good poker.
P. Seven card stud is more interesting than five card.

N. Poker has limited appeal and nobody plays it for long.
N. You might as well buy The Sun and a pack of cards instead.
N. Sexist drivel.
N. Loses excitement and bluff of real poker.