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I hunted high. I hunted low. It has to be there somewhere, after all there was one every week, and there is was. Little devil, nestled tightly between 'Attack of the Killer Sugar Bowl' and 'Joey Wibbles Wabbles the Wubbles', this week's Space Invaders clone.

This time it goes under the awe-inspired title of SAS Commander and it makes tea at the vicarage look like the Falls Road. Your mission, as they say, is to go to various trouble spots around the world, which are all identical, save the hostages and kill terrorists, who are all identical twins.

And so, with a hoarse cry of 'Who Dares Whines', let battle - or lack of it - commence. One side of a street appears our stalwart representative of Her Majesty's finest, elegantly knock-kneed, slides onto the screen like Wild Bill Hiccup on his way to a chimps' tea party. Terrorists appear in windows across the street and you have to slide this character from side to side shooting them, with the proviso that they are not holding a hostage in front of them.

After about thirty seconds I got bored, went out to get insanely drunk and came back to give it another go. No good, it didn't make it look any better.