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Here we go, here we go, here we gooo!!!

So, Roy of the Rovers, the legendary comic book footballer, is here - courtesy of Gremlin, by way of destitute Piranha Software.

We find Roy (screams from the fans) trying to find the other four members of the five-a-side football squad he's playing with. They have been kidnapped and are being held somewhere in Melchester, Roy's home town (Oh, purplease! - GT). If he doesn't rescue them within the time limit, he will have to play the match with the mates he has managed to save. A map of Melchester is given with the instructions, so it's just a case of checking around and following leads given by the various characters, such as Roy's mum (Barf).

After 2.3 milliseconds of playing, I decided I'd had enough of this because what with Afterburner, Robocop and the like, who wants to play this resurrection of nearly every walking around and exploring locations game ever written.

So, not too impressed (as you might have guessed by now) I tried the other part. The second part is the aforementioned football game which has some serious faults. The footballer's graphics are the same graphics which were used to animate Roy in the first bit. Some are shaded to signify which team they belong to (as if it makes much difference, because the computer is really, really, really hard).

At the end of all this searching and finding and looking and any other moving around and doing-bugger-all-type verbs and once you finally manage to beat the computer (highly unlikely), what happens? Eh? Come on? What?

You get a scrolly congrats message and that's it! So, in the words of somebody bumbitingly famous, 'What you've got to ask yourself is... is it worth the dosh?'...

Really, after some of the games that Gremmo have produced, such as Super Sports and the impressive Techocop, they really should be doing better.

One point to mention, if you are keen enough on Roy to buy this, notice that when a goal is scored a great spine jellying roar goes up from the crowd - THERE IS NO CROWD. LOOK AT THE PICS. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?

Thinking positively, you could buy this game for the worst, fartbaggiest enemy you have and send it to him/her for Christmas. Otherwise don't bother.

Scores one on the total mediocrity counter for Gremlin.