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GRANDSLAM SCORE AN OWN GOAL!

Away man, Peter Beardsley in his own computer game? Yes, the toothless, £1.9 million pound superstar of Liverpool is starring in his own soccer game.

This soccer simulation has Peter playing in his international role for that brilliant (at losing) team, England, in the European Championships (bit late isn't it?). Don't worry, though, if you want to win you can play for countries like Albania and Holland. Just like the real Championships, there are two groups of four teams, with the first two in each going through to the semi-finals.

Once all the pre-match selections have been made, including the length of the match, it's time for the kick-off. The inlay states that the teams appear in their authentic colours, but I can't remember having seen England ever play in all yellow!

Once the whistle goes you're faced with badly-defined, flickery sprites staggering down a jerkily-scrolling pitch dribbling the ball with perfect control. In fact you can easily dribble the ball all the way up the pitch into the opponents' goal. Even the two player option and the 'Ere we go' tunes don't do much to improve such a tacky attempt at computer football. Long live Match Day II!

PHIL ... 24%

THE ESSENTIALS Joysticks: Cursor, Kempston, Sinclair Graphics: ill-defined sprites on a jerkily-scrolling pitch Sound: good medley of football anthems Options: one or two players.

'22 matchstick figures hobbling feebly around a vast expanse of jerkily-scrolling pitch seem intended as a sarcastic comment on England's recent performance. Certainly they didn't inspire any great terrace chants In the CRASH office. The players themselves didn't seem that impressed, either turning their backs, or wandering off in the opposite direction to the ball. The sound seems to be the best part of this game, with a nice tune warbling away to itself in both 48K and 128K modes. But if even football-mad Phil doesn't like this, I don't reckon it has much chance'