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When Thorn EMI became Creative Sparks a few months ago they took the opportunity to dump a few pieces of naffware in their previous catalogue. One they didn't dump was Orc Attack.

This game has run into a little criticism from the mealy-mouthed on account of there's a lot of gore around. So what? When you're manning the mortices single-handed and endless hordes of evil goblins are scaling the walls, you do what you have to. Luckily you have handy (a) boiling oil, (b) a sword, and (c) a spear. Using these honest implements, you then proceed to slaughter as many of the opposition as you can over four wholesome screens.

Before we go any further let me just say that if you buy the farm, your head falls off.

I like this game a lot. The general setup is a little like Kaboom - only you are the mad bomber, and the bombs you drop are actually buckets of high-temperature oliovascular liquids. Action and movement are very smooth - you leap to and fro along the battlements from boiling-oil store to spear rack, thumbing the fire button with an animal snarl to tip the bubbling pots over the ascending svartalfar. Cream the first wave and other nasties, including a sorcerer, finally take you out. But what an end!

Yes, by the Bad Breath of Helm (this is based on the Tolkien Helm's Deep episode, isn't it?), Orc Attack is a crudely-themed, highly-skilled, totally enjoyable slice of the kind of computer game that gets computer games a bad name among people who think spreadsheets in Arabic are the last word in self-indulgence. Although it's a ROM and therefore pricey, get it if you can. You'll enjoy the bit with the falling head ever so much.