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Everyone loves a good blast. Brain off, fire button down - it's fun, isn't it? After all, no-one really gets killed. The bullets aren't real, the baddies don't really die, and the whole thing's just a harmless fantasy... or is it?

A blatant attempt to cash in on George Bush's drug witch-hunt, Narc is a fair conversion of a reprehensible Williams coin-op. Set in a suburban jungle where everyone's a drug pusher, you play a bad-assed cop who solves the drug war single-handedly, by blowing away everyone he meets, climaxing in a deadly encounter with Mr. Big. Don't bother arresting them... that's for the sissies. This is community policing, Dirty Harry style, where no-one is innocent so why prove them guilty? This also casts the police as lawless murderers, but if you make the criminals psychotic enough no-one will even notice, let alone mind.

A derivative horizontal push-scroller, Narc only differs from Robocop in that you can move in and out of the screen - or, at least, the bottom three inches of it! The pushers attach with relentless zeal, blasting you to hell with bullets you can hardly see, let alone avoid. The only 'tactic' available is to zig-zag wildly across the pavement - the pushers follow, but you stay one step ahead. It *is* possible to arrest them, but you won't live long if you try. Best just blow 'em away - at least some of them drop collectables such as money, drugs, bullets and rockets.

At the end of each level, bonus points are given for "evidence collected" (beats me, too!) and for arrests, i.e. enemies you accidentally bumped into while you were trying to shoot them.

You can't have a happening blaster without a good control system, and Narc's sucks! Try to walk into the screen while you're firing and you'll probably execute an unfeasibly high (and totally useless) leap! Using the all-powerful fire-and-forget rockets is a bit haphazard too - you waste most of them by firing accidentally (nice "exploding limbs" effect though!).

Worst of all is that pathetic crouch - to kill a guard dog you have to stoop down to their level before blasting. This is achieved by hitting the SHIFT key - you regain your full height automatically, and usually at the least opportune moment! Can you imagine how annoying this is?! First sign of a mutt, you have to let go of the joystick and press SHIFT on the keyboard. The computer gets you back on your feet while there's still dogs left to kill and you hit SHIFT again... Aaarrrggghhh! It's unbelievable!

Like I said, everyone loves a good blast, but Narc has all the excitement and charm of a used teabag. Not only is it a boring, skill-free zone, its trivialisation of an important social issue leaves a foul taste in the mouth. And what would it solve?

What would happen if you beat the big boss and blew his narcotics ring apart? Fewer drugs on the streets would push up the prices, so the addicts would have to mug and steal even more to get the cash. To make them go further, the pushers (make no mistake, there'll always be another pusher) would add all sorts of impurities, making the drugs even more dangerous, and rival gangs would fight bloody wars over Mr. Big's former territory. There'd be more bloodshed, more killing, and more suffering - and all because the authorities insist on treating addicts like criminals instead of people with a sickness. What a great theme for a game! [Er, can I have my soap box back please now? - Ed]