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Why are rabbits so crap these days, eh? They jolly well didn't use to be. Remember Bugs Bunny, or Dylan in The Magic Roundabout? Now, they were seriously cool bunnies. Not like the fluffy, helpless little things we get lumbered with today. I mean, take a look at this Lop Ears rubbish...

Little Lop Ears (for tis his name) has gone out to play, and lost his way. After wandering around all mournful and lonely for ages (don't fall for any cheap sympathy tricks here, Spec-chums) he eventually finds out that a by-pass has been built, blocking his way back home. The plan is that you've got to lead Lop Ears through fields, burrows, streets and garages back to his doting parents (who are probably dead by now anyway). On the way, there are lots of puzzles to solve and carrots to eat for energy. Our 'hero' is nicely animated and everything's big, blocky and clear. So it's a bit of a shame that the gameplay's a load of old codswallop.

Mind you, all is not lost. Lop Ears would be a complete waste of time if it weren't for one redeeming feature - you get to kill the little blighter! Hurrah! And not only that, but you can do it again and again and again. he can get mauled by other animals (such as dogs, squirrels and cannibalistic rabbits), but there are two methods of slow death which particularly take my fancy.

Method number one - drowning. This is both easy, and extremely foolproof. Lead him to a stretch of water and pretend that the joystick's stuck. Let Loppy walk into the water and he galls in headfirst, a couple of bubbles spurt from his mouth and he sort of bobs forward. The second way is quite good too. Find a road (any road will do, but a busy one is preferable). Stand by the kerb and wait 'til you hear the far-off trundling of a car approaching. Then cross. Oomph! Splat! Hurrah!

And there we have it. It's official - Lop Ears is categorically crap. With a few changes this could have been a really smart game (or quite and amusing novelty one at the very least). All it needed was a completely different approach and a new title. So - anybody for Bunny Bloodshed?

A daft 'n' dull rabbit romp. Don't bother.