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Kevin Goes Bald, Kicking Great Birds, Kissing Good Bees, Kept Green Berries, Karen Gives Bl.. Enough of this, Simon Byron is the only person who really knows what Virgin Games' KGB stands for...

It's just my luck to get this one, you know. I can see that my fingers are going to be tired out by the end of this review what with all the Mr. Unpronounceable-name people that populate the rough, tough world of the KGB but, being the professional journo that I am, I will endeavour to overcome such obstacles and present a full and informative appraisal of the game that people in "the know" are currently calling 'KGB' (for reasons that are classified).

The KGB was one of the most powerful and feared organisations in the world and their 'methods' were unique to say the least. It has not been unknown for them to cut tongues out or bash blokes (or women, children, animals, flowers - even a few trees) around with a diverse set of weapons that include rubber hoses, truncheons, belts, boots, bottles and hot-plates (of the floral rimmed, bone china type, I'd guess). They are one of the most feared groups in the world and with methods of torture like that, I'm not surprised.

"But what has this all got to do with me?" I hear you all ask (poetic licence, I know). Well, you are Captain Maksim Rukov, a newly-appointed member of a sub-branch of the KGB entitled 'Department P'. Your super-hard boss, Vovlov, packs you off to investigate the death of Golitsin, an ex-KGB member himself. With the strict order to "Present your report at six o' clock", you set off into the cold world of Communist Russia...

Before we start, I'd just like to say that the music, groovy as it is, is the most un-KGB-ish collection of crotchets and quavers that you could ever imagine (it's changed from the coverdisk demo a couple of months back). Initially, it's quite appealing but I bet that most monitors will be running with the volume down low within five minutes of play.

Apart from this, though, the hard-edged world of the Soviet Secret Police is portrayed extremely well and the text descriptions are sometimes quite shocking. Whilst this could make it a depressing game to play, Cryo have injected plenty of dark humour into the game which, surprisingly, adds a great deal to the gameplay instead of detracting as you might think.

A special mention must also go to the intelligent mouse-pointer which makes light work of all the object manipulation and general adventuring. The way that the various commands can be called up so that they always appear under the current position of the cursor is also excellent and this ease-of-use is a boon, especially considering the amount of interacting you need to do.

The adventure itself is huge (to say the least) and the only reservation I have about it is that it is, on occasions, very time sensitive. Sometimes it is very easy to miss appointments and subsequently mess up a particular aspect of the adventure. Just a tiny gripe, though, as I'm sure that if you're after a mature, humorous adventure then KGB will fit the bill more than nicely.