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What can we say? "This is AA's favourite football game of all time," is one of the things we could say. We'd then have to explain why, though, and we'd probably come up with something along the lines of "It's fast. Very fast. Faster than a very fast thing that's been having lessons to improve its speed and is also in a real hurry anyway. It's fast."

We could then add: "The teams from the 1990 World Cup all appear in their correct colours and display something aspiring to the correct skill level for the team in question." (This was all programmed before the competition took place of course, so the mighty Cameroon are as crap as Western ignorance originally expected them to be.)

Maybe then we could come u with a speech like this: "The game might not have the tactical depth of, say, Emlyn Hughes' International Soccer (also out on budget at the moment), but as an action-packed footie arcade game it could hardly be any better. The speed really is incredible, and it's dead smooth to boot." (To boot, geddit? - Oh, never mind.)

Under some obligation to point out the negative aspects, we'd add: "Experienced gamesters will find it easy to beat when playing one of the to teams, in which case they should then try it as South Korea."

Having said that, there would be little else to say, other than: "It's overhead viewed, the goals are at the top and bottom of the screen, the opponents range from soppy to rock hard, it's a brilliant game... and it's fast. Very fast. Faster than..."