Previous Next

Foul! Another pathetic attempt at simulating footy.

This time the 'action' takes place on a horizontally scrolling concrete pitch, which is probably why you can't do sliding tackles (ouch!). No, you just run into the ball to steal possession. The main trouble lies in selecting which player to control. Rather than automatically controlling the nearest to the ball, you have to press fire to cycle through all your players - some are off screen! It gets even more confusing when the ball ricochets off the side wall, hits a player's legs and zooms off again in the opposite direction.

At least dribbling's easy enough with the ball glued to your foot. Pressing fire gives you a straight kick of set strength, so there's no room for subtle passing - not that you'd be able to select the right player quickly enough! No, play consists of simply dribbling up the pitch a bit and shooting diagonally at the wall so the ball ricochets into the net - don't worry about the automatic goalie, he's as thick as a screenshot technician! [We're talking brain-donor material here people!]

This takes two-player games as predictable as playing against the computer (two skill levels). Graphics complement the gameplay perfectly, resembling the ancient International Soccer. As well as the bland grey pitch, the players look uncannily like Corky Caswell, i.e. blocky with slow, jerky animation! [Not to mention the drooling and lumps of food that drop for his mouth! - Ed]

Even an eight-team international league can't save this embarrassing own goal.