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This is not so much an adventure as a way of life. Superficially, the game seems to be an ordinary text adventure that requires you to get to Hampstead Heath to complete the game. However it is less a case of solving the game and more a case of attaining the solution.

Hampstead Heath is one of the posh parts of London, and since you start the game in a slum your problem is not just finding your way there but becoming the type of person who deserves to be there.

I confess that I didn't get very far and so I'm obviously doomed to remain a total slob forever. Nonetheless I can give you a few tips to get going.

The first thing you have to do after leaving the house is to sign on the dole. You'll obviously need your UB40, but also make sure you have some transport or you're liable to get mugged. Since you start the game naked you will need clothes, unless you want to get arrested for indecent exposure. You'll find the edge of the Heath close by and it pays to sit back and admire the scenery.

A nearby maze is easy to map, though if you manage to use what you find then please let me know how you did it. I used my money to buy another means of transport and thus found my way to another section of the adventure.

Apart from satisfying my appetite - though I must have done a "runner" as I had no money to pay for my meal - I only managed to get my pockets picked in the cinema, so any help from readers would be welcome.

I found it difficult to relate to the game. It took about five minutes before I realised what a UB40 was!

There are some extremely witty things in the program and I didn't get most of them first time either. If you manage to solve the game you can send off to Melbourne House for a diploma in social climbing, though I hope you'll also send me the solution.

Overall, I was left feeling somewhat baffled by this game, though I hasten to add that the problem is obviously mine and not the program's. I would suggest, however, that you try before you buy.

Merlin