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The world's first garden-'em-up. Hmm... So, is this an inspired piece of game creation, then, or have the past thirteen years of home computing been garden-'em-up free for the simple reason that the whole concept is completely stupid?

The answer to both questions is "no". No, this isn't an inspired piece of game creation - it's just a slow and dreary beat-'em-up with a bit of horticulture thrown in. And no, the last thirteen years haven't been garden-'em-up free anyway: What about Hover Bover, Lawnmower Simulator and Magic Garden?

Grell And Falla is a game of two characters: there's a burly goblin (called Grell) and a somewhat less burly fairy, called (Can you guess?) Falla. She was going to be called Fella, before Codemasters decided that 'fella' wasn't a very good thing to call a girlie.

This odd partnership are being employed as gardeners by a sorcerer. Tending a sorcerer's garden is, of course, a lot more troublesome than your average horticultural endeavour. As well as planting seeds and fertilising the soil, the mystic twosome must also turn possessed fluffy animals into good-once-more fluffy animals, using a subtle blend of spell-casting and... extreme violence.

Utilising the Return key to toggle between the two characters, you must "engoodify" all the slugs, bunnies, frogs and other cuties you encounter. Sorting them all out takes you to the next level, but to earn some cash you also need to do some gardening, e.g. grow a few flowers.

This can be done in five steps: (1) Take control of Falla, (2) Take to the air and sprinkle some fairy dust over the piece of grass you want to use, (3) Switch control to Grell, (4) Plant a seed in the dusted area, and (5) Watch in wonder as a beautiful flower grows (and you get killed for standing around in the same place for too long!)

Sounds fair enough. What's wrong with the game then, Adam? It's too slow, mate. Everything scrolls laboriously, and there's an "inertia" feature for extra grimaces. It takes a few seconds for your characters to turn round. Even though you're yanking the joystick to the right, your hero will continue drifting left before falling into a river and drowning. Let's be honest, the speed these sprites are travelling at, they ought to be able to turn on a sixpence.

In summary, the screen is small, the sprites are large, the graphics and sounds are mediocre, and the controls take more getting used to than could possible be good for them.

The bunnies are sweet, though.

There's a few interesting ideas in here, and it looks quite jolly. What really lets it down is the lack of speed. Merely average.

Graphics 63%
Codemasters rarely go in for mode 0. This is colourful if a little garish, with little animation.

Sonics 42%
Not much going on really - just a couple of standard bleepy effects to go with the action.

Grab Factor 45%
The game looks quite naff, and the control method will put you off right from the start.

Staying Power 57%
50 levs is a helluva lot. Stick with it and you might get the taste. Quickly gets tiring though.

Overall 51%