Previous Next

For reasons no-one round here seems able to explain, there's been a dramatic resurgence of interest all of a sudden in the football simulator.

In this massive special souvenir cut-out-'n'-throw-away section Trenton Webb, talented left back (in the dressing room), checks out all the latest challengers - among them efforts from Audiogenic, Codemasters and Microprose - and questions the notion that there's no such thing as an original sim.

Just what is it about soccer that so many software houses fine irresistible? Obviously it's an enormously popular pastime - but so is fishing, and there haven't been shoals of Mackerel Fishing Simulators. The real reason soccer scores, of course, is that it has exactly the elements that go to make up a good computer game: competition; restricted area; regular sized players that can easily be represented by sprites; and a ball. Add to that, the fact that most people claim to be supporters of one team or another (not for long, though - the government will soon fix that) and you have the perfect recipe, a licence to print money. Couldn't be easier.

But what's so remarkable about the history of soccer sims on the CPC is not that there's been many a mediocre game. That's no more than you'd expect. What really surprises is just how many fit into the two extreme categories of 'all time Faves' and total dogs. The successes have come about when the combination of enthusiasm and skill has been harnessed by a thorough and talented software development manager - the Match Day phenomenon demonstrates this neatly.

There seems no ready explanation for the stinkers, other than the blatant cheek and sheer cynicism of some houses in releasing games they expect to sell, simply because they're about football. One only has to think of efforts such as The Magnificent Seven's Indoor Soccer or Glen Hoddle's Soccer from Amsoft to know that one is not dealing here with top quality software.

Previous Next

Perhaps the best value soccer pack ever released was the Codemasters Christmas smash Four Soccer Sims. Not only did this give you a solid representation of the game in its classic form, it also gave you three other soccer based games [hence the name, I suppose - Sarky Ed] for a tenner. Admittedly the Soccer Skills section was slightly less exciting than an episode of Neighbours - but then some people like that too, I'm told! The best variant, Street Soccer, had great moments where the ball was lost and your mate fell into a crumpled heap after a late tackle. Any later and you'd have missed him altogether. Graham Roberts eat your opponents heart out.

Previous Next

Now let's be perfectly honest, frank and Brian with each other, dear reader, and admit that most games do have one or two dodgy points, such as less than startling graphics or sound effects, over-fussy gameplay, lack of responsiveness to joystick control or whatever.

But Mastertronic's Five-A-Side Soccer appeared to have them all. It did for foot ball what Vinnie Jones does for ballet dancing. Sound is limited to plinks and sprites Xor-clash to make lovely patterns. Players charge around, completely oblivious to commands, with all the sheer discipline and precision of an Aston Villa attack. Hilarious - for five and half seconds, when you start to realise what you've shelled out all that money for.

Soccer requires both speed and ball skills: Five-A-Side Soccer scored own goals on both counts - a feat that resulted in one of the worst games ever seen on the CPC (and that's saying something!).

Previous Next

And then of course there's the infamous World Cup Carnival, which has the dubious honour of being the lowest scoring game ever reviewed by Amstrad Action. And since that was the big zero, zilch, nothing or nil it's unlikely that it will ever lose that unwelcome tag.

Just why did Carnival do so poorly? Perhaps it was the completely duff visuals, or the jerky scrolling, or even the repetitive gameplay. More likely it was because it was such a blatant copy of an earlier and cheaper game (World Cup by Artic) with few enhancements other than a colourful box!! Not only that, but it completely missed the World Cup boat. Indeed, England's chances - never very big in the first place had already bit the dust by the time we got our hot and sweaty hands on a copy!

Previous Next

Many, many years ago, when Steve Carey was still scoring own goals for his college team, there was a World Cup. This was 1986 - real dawn of time stuff. During the tournament, older readers may recall, Mrs Maradona's boy scored a handy goal against England. It wasn't so much that he handled it, it was the way he pinched the lace from the ball that really annoyed us.

To be honest Shilts, Robbo and the rest of the lads were completely outclassed anyway, but somehow going out to a cheat made it feel better, just as if we could really have beaten them, had they only played like sports. Argentina went on to win the final against West Germany 3-2, while our boys came home, tails tucked between legs, to the usual ranting and raving from the loony tabloids.

As a nation of ladies and gents with nothing at all against those lovely, cuddly Argentinians, we naturally forgave Madonna. Or, at least, that's how it appeared until Grandslam released Peter Shilton's Handball Maradona, positively the worst taste title for a football game ever - to date. It cashed in fairly blatantly on the jingoistic anti-Argentinian tabloid mania of the time.

And, as you'd expect of a game exploiting current events, it was hastily adapted and shows every sign of being knocked together over a couple of weekends, with scant regard for incidentals such as graphic, sonics, gameplay... Shilts, what on earth possessed you to put your name to this? [Answer: Easy dosh! - Ed]

Previous Next

The most original soccer sim of all time is undoubtedly Roy Of The Rovers, which had the novel idea of introducing a sub-game that had to be played before you even got your boots muddy. The old straight-laced gentleman player (and I do mean old) had to rescue his kidnapped team mates, would you believe, a motif that fitted well with his many exploits in the comics. One question remains: when, oh when, oh when will we see Billy The Fish on our screens?

In the final reckoning, though, it's the football that counts, Brian and aside from the gimmicks there are only two contenders: Match Days I & II. The reason is simple: realism. You could almost swear you were in the stands, if swearing weren't a booking offence - and you don't get your view obscured by inflatable bananas, even if they are "putting back the fun in football", gawd 'elp us.

Sprite movement and ball behaviour are just like the real thing. So it's not that fast, granted, but then neither is Italian soccer and they won the World Cup! And, since there's a wide view of the field, you can play the game as it's meant to be played, actually passing to people rather than just punting the ball about and trusting to luck and a prevailing wind (but that's enough about Wimbledon).

Previous Next

The other side of the coin are the strategy games, where you play the part of the manager (unless you're Brian Clough, in which case it's Street Fighter).

Curiously the best, as in the simulation stakes, was one of the first. Football Manager and son aren't the most exciting games in history, but the exercise for the old grey cells is great fun, if infuriating. You could be as sick as parrot of Sims and still have plenty of jollies picking teams, biting your finger nails off waiting as games unfold. Played seriously, the reward is that of confidence in having outwitted the programmer; alternatively you could always play for kicks and throw the whole footie establishment into chaos buying and selling players for wholly ridiculous prices. It's fairly obvious where El "Telephone Number" Venables and Ron "Think of a Number" Atkinson acquired their management skills.

Previous Next

Soccer sims have been evolving along two different paths; the overhead boys and the side view crew. Both have merit. The stand view is realistic and panoramic, while the birds eye/Goodyear blimp angle gives you a better chance to see and control what your player does.

The Match Day style has the edge. Soccer is all about possession and passing, and how can you do that when you can't see the players you want to pass to or the goal you're aiming at?

Then there's the problem of player control. Joystick control is far from ideal but it's better than keys. There are limitations - not everyone has a joystick splitter - but it's just not cricket, Harry, to play a mate at a footie sim, when one of you has to try and get flowing motion and smooth control out of a keypad! Not only is it impractical and unfair, but it's also a cop-out. (Having said that, I know two or three gamesters who claim they prefer the keyboard to the joystick any day of the week.)

What other qualities make a sim special? Speed, graphic quality, variable skill levels all go together to enhance the overall package. Most importantly though, the game must be competitive and fun. World Cup Carnival fails, as do so many, because to score, all you have to do is get the ball and run, regardless of defenders, straight at the goal, scoring as you cross the line. That may be a fine tactic for the likes of John Barnes, as he so brilliantly demonstrated against Brazil (a goal he's never really recovered from), but it's not really a good project for the rest of us mere footballing mortals.

11-A-Side Soccer on Codemasters' 4 Soccer Sims is nearer the mark with a straight run of more than ten yards being punished with a tackle, and the ability to spin 180 degrees instantly and retain possession of the ball is not on - it's frustrating but not realistic.

But then, as all the commentators are fond of pointing out, football's a funny old game.