You always did look like a bit of a berk (you're not even green for a start) so when some suspiciously greasy, namby pamby roadsweeper passing for a doctor tells you that all your problems will be solved if you dream them away, you're stupid enough to believe him. Ha! What a prawn!

OK, so you're thick but you've got yourself into this dream zone so how are you going to get yourself out? And no waking up either because a big bad beast (bit like a troll, really) is gonna keep on messing you around until you make it to paradise. Serves you right!

So where are you exactly, smartass? Er, in the middle of a pretty badly illustrated maze of city locations, emperor's palaces, sleazy bars and stinking alleyways, actually. This is a dream, remember, so none of the people who live here are well... normal. There's an office-block full of bureaucratic pigs, a bar-full of girls with spray-on jeans and a whole bunch of crooks, forgers, loan sharks, groupies and girlies. Your average teenager's subconscious really. Your average teenage troll's dismemberment party is a whole lot more fun.

Oh yeah, the puzzles. If you've solved every Infocom adventure going and can't wait to get your hand on the next Magnetic Scrolls, forget Dream Zone and go and do something a lot less boring instead. OK, so this is a dream and the obvious solutions to puzzles don't always work, but there isn't a lizard's earlobe of an excuse for using up memory space with incredibly repetitive, pointless and totally uninteresting puzzles. In fact, the first half hour of the game involves walking round a network of different passages collecting forms - big deal.

Some attempt has been made to exploit the dream idea - your toy water pistol actually kills (oo-er, pass me another gnome-chip) - but it's about as much fun as watching your toenails grow.

You take charge of this rollicking riot of roistering action using a combination of icon and traditional type-in controls. OK, so the puzzles aren't too hot, but for £24.99 the parser must be great...? No way, Jose - just average really. Generally, there's more than one alternative to a response but every now and then (usually when it's about as obvious as a worm at the bottom of a glass of snot) you have to get it right or else. Not my idea of fun.

If I had dreams as peculiar as this, I'd drink a bucket of fermented slime and bash myself over the head to sleep it off. Unless you're really into paying £25 to bore yourself stiff (in which case cover yourself with tabasco sauce first, it's tastier that way), I'd advise you to do something a lot more interesting - like eating your toenails - instead.

With so many good adventure releases around at the moment, something as mediocre and uninteresting as this, just isn't worth the time of day.