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"Ahoy there, shipmates, here's a rum scheme to make us rich!" growled the salty sea dog. His battle-weary crew gathered round to hear Captain Film Licence speak. "This 'ere CutThroat Island - I reckon there be a pretty penny to be made off the back of that."

"But it's pants!" shouted Roger, the cabin boy. "Shut up!" bellowed the Captain, silencing his men. "We're going to attack this one from all sides - bit of platform stuff, a minecart level and some Streets Of Rage-style brawling. How can we lose?" His men gazed up in disbelief.

"How long have we got?" asked one of them.

"I want the game out in March," growled the Captain. "But that's no time at all!" protested the men. "And with barely a ha'penny between us, how can we make the plan work?"

The Captain trembled with rage, the corners of his mouth foaming as he spat out his orders. "You scurvied sea dogs will do what you're told. It's a fine film, and it'll be a fine game. Get to it!"

Reluctantly, the sailors hoisted the Jolly Roger and the good ship Acclaim set sail for another voyage. "Well," one of the crewmen mumbled to another, "That's us scuppered."

Although CutThroat Island is a game of several different styles and a number of different locations, most of the gameplay sees you beating up a procession of dim-witted opponents that stroll on to the screen and mill about in a fairly daft fashion. You can punch them up by selecting 'brawling mode' or skewer them if you choose to play in 'swashbuckling mode'.

Whether you're in swashbuckling or brawling mode, you'll find the 'special moves' you earn after successful completion of each level come in handy.

Aaahhh! Real Monsters, Power Rangers and VR Troopers used to be my least favourite Megadrive games. That was until I saw CutThroat Island. I'd like to cut the throats of the people responsible for this.

Just what were they thinking? In fact, this game is so bad that I don't even want to talk about it any more. So, did anyone watch the Brit Awards Uncut then? Bit of a let down really, other than Jarvis's bit. Oh and what about... [Snip]

This must be my lucky month. Not only have I had to play Revolution X, a truly abysmal Saturn title, but I've had to endure CutThroat Island, undoubtedly the worst Megadrive game I've ever had to review. Where to start on this one?

Frustrating game design, dreadful animation, dull graphics... the whole sorry affair adds up to a real mess of a game that must surely rank as one of the Megadrive's all-time stinkers. That this tatty throwback should have been released by a company of Acclaim's stature is very worrying indeed.

Graphics 19%
Shoddy, repetitive, backgrounds and very basic characters.

Animation 16%
Not nearly fluid enough to cope with the sprites' demanding movements.

Music 15%
Accordian-style sea shanties that are very basic by current standards.

Effects 10%
Erm, now let me think...

Playability 14%
An endurance test that requires hardly any skill.

Lastability 12%
Well, what do you think?

Overall 44%
A half-baked film tie-in of the very worst order. Appalling.