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I used to have a dynamo on my bike - just clip the motor onto the wheel and the lights operate through pedal power, saving a fortune on batteries. Trouble is, as soon as you stop pedalling you're plunged into darkness! It's the same story with Captain Dynamo, except you want to punch this game's lights out every time you load the blimmin' thing!

The plot looks promising enough: help Captain Dynamo - a retired geriatric superhero - recover the world's largest collection of diamonds, stolen by Austin Van Flyswatter to fund his retirement... who says computer games are for the young? A vertical push-scroller, you start the game at the foot of the first cavern and leap your way upwards till you reach the top. It's a bit like Rainbow Islands in this respect, but without the fun. You see, Captain Dynamo is a complete pile of todge that anyone who isn't suffering from premature senility should avoid like a rusty Zimmer frame.

So why is it so awful? Well, for starters there's the graphics. Dated, Speccy-esque scenery meets one of the most badly animated main sprites I've ever seen. Then there's the instructions. "Push the joystick up and press fire for a power jump", they scream. Dunno what's so blimmin' powerful about it, you don't jump any higher. The only time holding fire does anything is when you're clinging to one of the helicopter-thingies that carry you to higher platforms, and the instructions don't mention this at all! Oh yes, don't try to jump on top of enemies to kill them either - it doesn't work despite what the inlay tips say!

The final nail in the game's already well-constructed coffin is the infuriating gameplay. Let's go through the first few moves, step by step... First of all, you need to cross the acid pools to reach the trampoline on the right of the screen. You can't jump over them 'coz of the overhead spikes, so you'll have to dash across the disappearing platforms. It takes a few goes to master, which is fair enough.

Then the game takes a huge nosedive with the second problem: the green pinball bumpers. As soon as you hit 'em you're sent bouncing around with little (if any) control over your sprite. It's unbelievable! You can even nip off for a cuppa and, when you return, you'll still be ricocheting away. To add insult to injury, the collision detection is so bad you'll bounce off a bumper, while you're a fair distance from it! This is one of the most boring tedious devices I've ever seen in a platform game, and even with practice it takes ages to get through.

Succeed and you're faced with a killer leap that depends on your catching one of those helicopters, which isn't easy when the Captain's grip makes you think he's got arthritis. Then there's a disappearing platform puzzle, made more difficult by sluggish controls. Miss it and you're sent right back to the start, wondering whether to brave the pinballist bit again or kick the game across the room.

Not particularly inspiring, is it? I'd like to say it gets better as you go, but it doesn't. The basic concept behind Captain Dynamo is sound but the design layout is one of the worst I've ever seen. Do yourself a favour and give your money to Help The Aged instead - you'll have far more fun!

Arrrrgghhhh! I've never known a game as frustrating as this. Get over the deadly spikes, bounce around like a pinball, eventually grab onto the rising 'helicopter', gradually climb further up the scrolling cavern - then make one tiny error and you're plonked right back at the start again. And that's just the first level!

I'm all for challenging gameplay (lacking in a lot of recent releases) but this is ridiculous. It ruins what could've been a neat platform game - haven't the programmers ever heard of restart points or level passwords? [Erm, there are restart points, Phil, only they're practically impossible to reach! - Ed].

In fact, if you've got an Action Replay cart you can 'freeze out' to save your position every so often (how did you think we got these screenshots?) but it's still way too hard too soon.

Presentation 34%
Not a lot, apart from the usual loading screen

Graphics 40%
Spectrummy graphics and lousy animation

Sound 39%
A fair tune, but it's completely wrong for the game

Hookability 19%
It's terrible, boring, frustrating, tedious drivel!

Lastability 20%
You have to force yourself to play it twice

Overall 27%