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I've had it up to here (gestures about head height) with wisecracks about Barry Manilow's hooter whenever Big Nose's American Adventure is mentioned.

So I'll just go on about Lucy's nose until she throws something at me, which should be in approximately... hmm, five seconds. Ducking swiftly I must add that the game isn't anything to do with big conks (or big conkers (madam)), but deals with the very puzzling phenomena known as time tunnels (as featured in the crusty old '60s TV series of the same name).

Time tunnels are strange things, as Bill and Ted have found out (they ended up with 525-year-old wives and the Grim Reaper as a friend). But in this game it's Big Nose the caveman who goes for a wander through the misty tracks of time (not with the Twilight Zone music playing in the background I hope).

He's whisked from his prehistoric home and plonked in modern-day America. The problem is that Big Conk's furry animal pals have also been transported, and now some stupid plank of a dog warden has locked 'em up in cages.

So it's up to Big Hooter to grab an armful of rocks (dropping the rocket launcher, AK47 and 9mm Uzi he'd bought earlier) and stick 'em down the front of his skimpy leopard-skin boxer shorts (to impress the girlies).

Level One takes our prehistoric pal to downtown Manhattan; here he leaps Tarzan-like around the numerous platforms (incidentally the reason why Tarzan yells as he swings through the trees is that he carries rocks in his underpants). Although none of the denizens are pleased to see a reject from the Flintstones cartoon, so they're out for his blood.

Don't just stand there, grab a handful of rocks and lob 'em at attackers. These include huge balls of fire, thugs, policemen and for some reason, builders.

As Concorde-features gets hit, his energy level plummets. But fear not, gentle reader, because hamburgers and buckets of water top up flagging spirits. But beware of the mugs of beer, 'cos supping one of these makes our lad as nissed as a pewt (and the controls are reversed for a short time).

Big Nose's ultimate aim's to collect the cage keys to free his pals. Reckon you can help him in his task? Grab a leopard-skin leotard and join in the fun (but don't try the rocks down yer Y-fronts thing, it's very painful), (Oh Corky, no-one wears Y-fronts anymore - Man Ed) [She should know! - Ed]

Great mystery of the world No 100034: Why is the character in this game called Big Nose when his hooter is barely visible? Well, you can blame ex-Crash Ed Dick Eddy for that, but despite this small inconsistency the game's very good. The graphics are certainly colourful, though the sprites are on the splodgy side.

Big Nose himself is a birrova lad with his leopard-skin outfit and plentiful supply of rocks. Some of the platforms need pixel-perfect timing to clear, so this game should appeal to platform fans more than general gameplayers. But at a measly £3.99, it's worthy of purchase.

I really enjoyed Big Nose. Although the gameplay is nothing new (platforms and ladders, collecting things, and shooting baddies), and it is frustratingly tricky at first, when you start playing you just can't stop - "just one more go, I must get that little bit further". As the playing area is wonderfully involved, mappers will love it.

On the minus side, the main sprite isn't very well animated, and if you're calling a game Big Nose you should at least give it a bit of a hooter. A better title for this game would be "Need A Nose Job" - even Dizzy has a bigger conk than this! Moaning aside, this is one cool game.

Excellent execution makes it a real winner, and well worth four quid.

Presentation 81%
Two-player option and a really spiffy title page.

Graphics 83%
Colourful sprites, but where does the hero keep his rocks?

Sound 80%
Rockin' title tune and bonking sound effects.

Hookability 85%
Despite tricky platform jumping, the game's instantly playable.

Lastability 87%
You'll be banging

Overall 83%