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General MacArthur has been kidnapped - Oh no! Some nasty revolutionary faction has whipped him away - Double oh no! But don't you worry none, we've got Bazooka Bill, and he's harder than hard. He shaves with a blow torch, gargles tin tacks for breakfast, uses babies as basketballs and, if anyone can rescue the General is distress, it is him.

Such a dashing, loveable-rogue is old Bazooky that he doesn't need any weapons! No! With his super Kraut-bashing fist (they won both World War I and II) Bill will bash the blighters from here to tomorrow. Anyway, he will be able to pick up weapons along the way.

The dear old general is holed up on an island in the South Pacific, one of three islands actually. Dumped just outside of Clarke Airbase, Bazooka has got to get some transport to the South Pacific, and since it's an airbase it's going to have to be air transport. Clarke Airbase is a lovely place, it's got lots of lovely flowers, trees, rhythm and blue skies but what it's got the most of is enemy soldiers just waiting to let some lead loose in Bill's direction. Doesn't matter though, Bazooky's hard - he killed a man.

Lots of scenery scrolls by our Bill as he employs all of the gook killing tactics he picked up in 'nam. Split into different levels linked by ladders, Bill can leap, run and climb all over his environment once he is given the correct dexterous wiggle of the joystick.

Actually the ladders work rather oddly - even though they look dead normal, they possess very odd temporal and spacial properties. Going up or down a ladder can also take you round a corner, even though there's absolutely zero indication of a change of location! Illogical it may be, but if you have plans on being Bazooka Bill, an understanding of this odd concept is integral if you are to play the game.

Throughout his travels through enemy territory, Bill is constantly assailed by nasty men with machine guns. But, as has been previously stated, Bazooka Bill is hard and it takes more than a few red hot slugs of lead penetrating his flesh to stop this one-man hurricane. What does stop Bill is his energy meter hitting zero. He has got five lives though, so that should see him through.

Also there to help Bill are the brill weapons lying about that become his, once he runs over them. To add to hardman Bill's firepower are knives, machine guns, flame throwers and yes, Bazookas! Though the weapons are brilliant in their killability, their stamina isn't up to much, and after a bit of gook killing, they fade and die taking Bill back to ever dependable knuckle power.

To finish the game and rescue the General from his grisly fate, Bill needs to complete five levels. Each one is finished by finding the right position in the scrolling landscape. This is no easy task though, even for someone as hard as Bazooky, but a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do - and it's up to you to help.

Bazooka Bill is little more than a poor man's Green Beret. The graphics are crude, blocky and badly designed. Probably the most laughable occurrence is the point at which Bill's hand becomes disjonted from his wrist as he fires.

It doesn't stop there - when holding a gun, his hand swells to the size of his waist!

There's no excuse for this shoddy workmanship. Graphcs are so important in such a meagre shoot-'em as this. They can make or break a game. In this case, I think Bazooka Bill needs some major surgery.

I'm not quite sure whether Melbourne House have released this as a joke, or whether they're serious. Whatever their motive, there's one thing that's definite: Bazooka Bill is awful.

It's a clone of Green Beret, only it has pathetic graphics and doesn't play anywhere near as well.

The graphics are truly awful - when he punches, his hand comes away from his body and his aeroplane looks like it's been designed by a three year old. The only thing that brings you back to play it is to find out whether things get worse.

They do. Don't waste your money on it.

Bazooka Bill isn't the best game in the world and it isn't the worst. That's only because of Robobolt - that's the worst game in the world, and it's lucky for Melbourne House that Robobolt came out, otherwise this comment would have started: "Bazooka Bill is the worst game in the world".

The graphics are chunky and poorly defined and the music is dull - just like the gameplay which is incredibly monotonous. Do yourself a favour, don't buy Bazooka Bill. Just go to the computer shop and laugh at it.

Presentation 65%
Adequate.

Graphics 45%
Duplo Bill goes walkabout in Legoland - as built by a seven year old.

Sound 56%
A few simple tunes assault the ears throughout the game.

Hookability 40%
Some initial compulsion to see if things get any better.

Lastability 27%
But they don't. In fact, things get worse!

Value For Money 28%
An inferior version of Green Beret for the same price.

Overall 30%
A poor first release from Arcade.