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Guide your Battletoad through scrolling levels of dexterity-testing traps and thrilling hand-to-hand combat!

We could ramble on all day about this game's absurd storyline - but we here at Mean Machines reckon that the game's blurb spells it all out far more succinctly than we could ever put it. So, here goes:

"When the Dark Queen kidnaps both your best buddy and the best looking girl this side of the Mazallion Star Cluster - what are you going to do about it?

"Are you gonna cry? Hide? Call the Starcops? No way! Because you're a Battletoad, and Battletoads don't cry, hide or call for help. Battletoads get real mad - and then they get even!

Battletoads scores highly in the variety department. Each level tests your reflexes and reactions in different ways. Here's a selection of action from the game.

1. Stage One: Ragnarok's Canyon
   The Battletoads land on the Dark Queen's world, only to discover that she's left a welcoming committee of Psyko Pigs to beat you up. Slap them about a bit, master the winged beasts and destroy the massive biped boss in order to progress.
2. Stage Two: Wookie Hole
   The 'toads abseil down the impact crater, repeatedly beating up the avian inhabitants to build up a stack of extra lives. The Dark Queen's left behind some evil robots and electrical fields to make life a bit more difficult...
3. Stage Three: Turbo Tunnel
   The amphibian lads beat up some mutant rats and unpack their Jet Turbos! The only way to cross the chasm is to leap from rock to rock, avoiding cunningly placed walls that the Dark Queen's left behind. Oooh, the stinker!
4. Stage Four: Arctic Caverns
   Slidey platforms abound here in the Arctic Caverns! No problem... or is there? Perhaps when you're sliding uncontrollably towards a mass of spikes that kill on contact you might think differently. Killer snowmen and stalagmites help matters none.
5. Stage Five: Surf City
   Surf's up dudes... or something. Here, the 'toads are under attack from more of the Dark Queen's rampaging hordes. Also adding to the carnage are lethal logs and surf board-annihilating spikes.
6. Stage Six: Karnath's Lair
   The bane of Rich's life during 12-14th March 1993. This rock hard level (named after an old Rare game called Staff Of Karnath for the C64) has you clambering onto the backs of moving snakes as you try to scale the massive caverns. Sounds simple? As the gibbering wreck that is now Rich will tell you, it isn't. At all.

We don't want to give the entire game, but suffice to say, there's plenty more where that came, including the debut of the last form of amphibian transport - the Battletoad Speed Bike!

It's unusual to find a game that's really frustrating, yet still manages to be horribly addictive, but this is one such game. I think its secret is that you get a little bit further with every game, but neer as far as you think you can go.

So you get really annoyed and have another go to get a bit further, then another, and another... and you end up playing for hours. But even though the game is annoying, it's great fun to play.

It's very challenging and offers plenty of variety, there are lots of high-scoring bonuses to go for, the graphics are decent, with plenty of humorous touches, and the music and effects suit the action perfectly. If you're after something different, check it out.

"Aiiieeeee!", "Arghhhhh!" and "Mmnnnrraghhh!" are a printable selection of some of the exclamations of frustration this game forced me to cry!

It's tough with a capital T! Be it the mega-difficult Jet Turbo section, the slidey ice level (that skids you into massive spikes - arghh!) or the amazingly frustrating snake pit stage, you're guaranteed to screaming abuse at the console.

However, a few days on and I'm beginning to warm to the game - simply because it is so tough. So, for you players moaning about Sega games being so easy, I definitely recommend this. For players who don't like to be frustrated, stay well away from this game - it'll just make you angry and unsociable - and will turn your face a very embarrassing shade of red.

Presentation 59%
P. Some fairly decent cut screen intermissions...
N. No options to tweak whatsoever.

Graphics 77%
P. The scrolling's smooth and the animation fluid.
N. But it does have the look of an 8-bit game.

Sound 77%
P. A fairly good range of sound effects and hi-energy music backs the frenetic proceedings, enhancing atmosphere.

Playability 78%
P. The action is fast and fun, and initially compelling, especially with two players.
N. But some incredibly hard levels make the game extremely frustrating exploration very rewarding!

Lastability 82%
P. There are loads of levels to conquer - and some of them are extremely difficult.
N. Novice playerrs, or those who can't handle frustrating games will go off this very quickly.

Overall 79%
Although it is just a graphically enhanced version of an 8-bit game, Battletoads is very playable and poses a very tough challenge.