Leaping lizards! Robin the Boy Wonder has been abducted by some fiendish archvillain. But before the Caped Crusader can race to the rescue of his Bat-buddy he must first gather together some of the Bat Bits 'n pieces that every well-equipped crime fighter needs in his never-ending fight against evil, and then reassemble the parts of his speedy Batmobile. Holy disassembly! It's enough to drive you batty!
Meanwhile, in the subterranean lair of arch software house Ocean, the villainous mind of David Ward is preparing to unleash its latest diabolical plan.
"Aha! At last I have the secret weapon I've been waiting for (cackles insanely, rubbing his hands together), the rights to produce a Batman computer game. With this I can wipe every other software house off the face of the planet. Ha ha, hee hee, etc."
Meanwhile, back at the Batcave...
Leaping into action, the Dark Night Detective slides down the Batpole and hurtles into the Batcave, barely pausing to draw breath as he races past the vile monster standing between himself and his trusty Batbag. Then, slipping nonchalantly into his dynamic Batboots, the Gotham Guardian hurls himself past the diabolical traps lying in wait for him (Warning: using such outrageous adjectives takes years of practice, do not attempt to imitate them).
Flash - I love you, but we only have fourteen hours to save the Earth (Sorry, wrong superhero).
Meanwhile, surrounded by his toadying henchmen, David Ward explains his masterplan or anyone that cares to listen.
"Yes! My Batman game will have finely detailed Ultimate-style graphics, a cute Batman sprite and an out-of-tune version of the Batman theme. Now no-one can stand in my way!"
Zap! Pow! Kablooie! Energised by his Bat-pills (secreted in various parts of the Batcave), the dynamic Duo minus one bounds past the ravening hounds attempting to tear him limb from limb, then... Cosmic catastrophe! Our hero falls headlong into a pit full of spikes. Can this be the end of the review?
But no! The Masked Ninny lives and, starring heroically into the camera, says "Fortunately I came prepared with my Batbelt and Bat-thruster which saved me from the fall. Remember, the first rule of crime fighting - never fall into a pit full of spikes, it can ruin your day!"
Will the smug Superhero save the Teen Wonder from the heinous fate awaiting him? Will Ocean deliver the game less than five years after the first ads appear? How much am I getting paid for this review? For the answers to all these questions tune in next month, same Battime, same Batplace, saaame Batchannel.