Amstrad Action
1st May 1989
Author: Trenton Webb
Publisher: Palace
Machine: Amstrad CPC464
Published in Amstrad Action #44
Barbarian II
The story so far: the Barbarian has just rescued the fair Princess Mariana from Drax, an evil wizard with a Maria Whitaker fixation. During the melee, Drax does a runner leaving the Barbarian with the girl but no-one to chop into little pieces.
The escape of such a dangerous and generally nasty character causes much consternation, and the increase in insurance premiums, in the land of the jewelled. He must be stopped before he gets a chance to lay waste to them all with black magic, incredible monsters and exploitative posters. It's decided that the only reasonably entertaining course of action is to hunt Drax down and slap his wrist once and for all.
The job will be difficult, involving an arduous journey to the lair of the wizard and defeating hordes of his hideous creations. Only two people are skilled (and psychotic!) enough in the arts of war to stand any chance of success: Barbie and the Princess Mariana. Yes: it seems as well as wearing skimpy tin bikinis, she's also hot stuff with the sword, which proves she's not just a pretty, uh, face.
So as the adventure starts you choose who you play as: meathead or bimbo? There is no difference between them, except that she wields a sword and parades semi-naked while he uses an axe and sports designer furry trunks, but both hack and slash like good'uns.
These star characters are drawn brilliantly as comic book warriors, and their movements instantly catch the eye. They move as real human beings and not game sprites, especially when you fall foul of some creature and go to meet your maker. After being pushed to the edge of a pit by some monster, even these hardened homicidal maniacs flail their arms in a vain attempt to gain balance before plummeting to their doom.
The game takes place over four levels, three of which are mazes and the fourth of which is the inner sanctum of the Drax's bolt-hole. You start in a wasteland with your threefold task. First you must find the entrance to the next level; secondly, collect certain magical artifacts needed later on; and thirdly, kill as many monsters as you can lay your axe on.
The creatures, who want to give your life insurance man an ulcer, are the main feature of the game. They provide not only the opposition. but also the black humour that gives the game its edge. Each level has a different menagerie of beasties, and each one has different a mode of attack and real comic quality.
In the Wasteland you meet red apes who swing at you with over-sized feet, mutant chickens who try to peck you to death (and very good at it they are too!) and a purple something with a whiplash tongue. The stars, though, are the cavemen and the dragons. The Neanderthals come at you swinging clubs and when successful in taking one of your five lives, they look at the screen and laugh, revealing their prehistoric gnashers. The dragons also gloat at your demise; after your head is bitten off you watch it being swallowed, a snack followed by a hearty belch. Similar gory jokers appear on each level, but perhaps the best of them all is the lion type thingy. which knocking yon to the ground proceeds to munch the parts that other beasties cannot reach. Grotesque, but great fun.
The Monty Python style of bloodletting is not the sole domain of the creatures, because Babs and Mariana have a go too. If you manage to get your sword strokes right you can send heads flying from the shoulders of cave-men (that'll learn 'em!), mutant chickens can be carved up and dungeon guardians can witness a quick bit of open heart surgery courtesy of your ever trusty sword.
Barbarian II sports great peripheral graphics to help the game (and your axe) go with a swing. Your energy and that of the nearest opponent is indicated clearly by bars at the top of the screen, while shining jewels tell you how many lives you have left. A sword that always points north helps you find your way through the wasteland, caverns and dungeon. Your current total of points is also shown in the bottom comer - but let's face it, who cares about points? Just send in the orcs!
Hack-'em-up fans will love the swordplay element of Barbarian II. Your hero dispatches enemies in a multitude of ways, including a spinning neck chop which breaks the ice (amongst other things) at any of Drax's parties. But those who prefer a little more brains with their blood will also find the game great fun, with mazes tricky enough to have you going round in circles for days. The collection of the artifacts adds a greater level of gameplay to the slaughter, for while they are not necessary to get to the next level, they just might save your life.
Barbarian II is both highly playable and infuriatingly difficult at the same time. It blends extreme violence, black humour and the puzzling mazes so well you can hardly see the joins. The sight of a sword wielding woman getting eaten by a lion may upset certain people (including the lady herself, no doubt) but the humorous tone taken, even when the blood starts to spurt out of your neck, offsets most of the offensive elements. There will no doubt still be an outcry about the gratuitous violence in the game. But what are those people who are easily offended doing buying a game called Barbarian II anyway?
Second Opinion
It's been a long, long wait for Barbarian II, and now that we've seen the finished result it's pretty obvious why. Palace have really put everything into this one, and while the scenario is still a little dim-witted - meet a monster, kill it or be killed - it's all done with such enthusiasm, skill and style that I found myself itching to play it again and again.
Any game that makes me laugh out loud as my character gets killed must be worth buying!
Green Screen View
Looks well mean even in green!
First Day Target Score
Get to the second level.
Verdict
Graphics 93%
P. Outstanding realistic character movement.
P. Amazing, amusing array of monsters.
Sonics 88%
N. No tunes.
P. Witty extra effects such as laughter and pitfalls.
Grab Factor 94%
P. Instant swordplay fun.
P. Plenty to explore.
Staying Power 89%
P. Multitude of monsters to find and kill.
N. Mazes may be too irritating for prolonged play.
Overall 92%
P. Sharpen that axe! Polish that sword! Let's get hacking!
P. A fun game to play and watch.