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Oh God, 'orrible Eric's back! Why they didn't expel him at the end of last year I'll never know - he makes that Adrian Mole of 4C look like a saint. But he didn't end his Skool Daze when he stole his report and now he has to sneak it back into the headmaster's safe. That's not just a question of catching masters with a crafty catapult either. Oh no, the alterations to the building have made life a whole tot more difficult and he's even saying he'll come over here into the girl's school. And do you think that the threat of lines from our headmaster will stop him? No! He'll just suck up to his girlfriend and get her to do them.

The reason he's coming over here is because the key to the headmaster's safe hangs round the headmistress's neck..., and well be gossipping about that behind the bike sheds, I can tell you! But the spotty little Rambo is well armed and he thinks it's funny to release a frog or a mouse here.

That boys school still looks like an ant colony and all the old masters, ugly as paintings, are back trying to keep Eric where he should be. Only Eric has to get the bike and get the teachers drunk and to do that he's got to get our headmistress's sherry - which gives him even less time for studying than before.

I've always found Eric a bit uncontrollable and there are times when he seems to be going his own sweet way. And the masters are as bad as ever. They don't give you time to move before dishing out even more lines, which might mean that Eric's education comes to an abrupt end. But on the whole I'm sure he'll live to try again, and a lot of people won't be sorry.

I will though. You see, I only know so much about Eric because.... yes, I'm his girlfriend. And if he asks me to write out any more lines I think I'll hand him over to the head myself.