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If there's one thing I maintain about anything else, it's that post people have balls. Not just puny little marbles, but massive black ones that jump up and down in full view of everyone. That's why I think Thing, because it shows everything that I believe in. Stop saying "Oo-er", this is a seriously excellent game.

The Thing in question is a postperson (of indeterminate sex). No ordinary postperson, no, but a postperson with a very important letter to deliver. It's addressed to Lord Dingalinger and delivering it is not easy matter.

The big D has hidden himself away until our beloved hero completes ten tasks. Ten whole tasks, I seem to hear you gasp incredulously, surely that's too much for one man/woman/thing? So, the lurvely people who run the Post Office has given he of the cutesy waddle a political advisor to help him who, as it happens, is a ball. Now no laughing, because this balls packs a mean gun. Why a gun for what sounds like basic postal duties?

Weeeell, on the planet, 26 levels (one for every letter of the alphagabet, I'll explain later) there are various Dingalingers, which look like huge disembodied heads which fly at you and cause damage which, naturally lose you a life, or in this case, time. You have a set time to deliver the letter or ol' LD won't show his face.

The key to solving this game is the tasks, of course, and the key to tasks is objects. Thing contains a lot of objects (Thing the game, not the person) which add up to quite a few tasks. What they all are exactly I cannot say (Softspeke translation - I dunno) but they usually involve a couple of objects and a little common sense.

Travelling around the 26 scrolling levels is no problem for a letter-worn postie like Thing aided, as he is, by his trusty telephone directory. Using that, in conjunction with the telephone boxes, that lie around, he can teleport simply by typing in a letter. That's why there are 26 levels. Told you I would explain, I always keep my promises, that's why the bear lets me stay.

This game is superior to nearly all budget and full price games currently around. Magic Knight was the king of the budget arcade adventure until now, but thanks to the fantastically cute graphics held in this little bundle of cuteness, Thing reigns supreme. Take Berk, please, add Bub and Bob, give that cute smile and you have Thing. Large, well-animated, monochrome (that can't be helped) and lovable.

Not only do I give this game the Sinclair User Wassock, the Cheapo of the Month, Game of the Month, and the Oscar for best supporting role. I also award it, the very first game to get it, The Fili Thrill. Well done to those nice people at Players.