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Remember how Hampstead starts - you're stuck in a grotty bedsit, watching 3-2-1 - it's the height of social deprivation. Well, I've no desire to attain Hampstead, but Micro-Computer's cheap adaption of a cheap TV game just adds insult to injury.

It begins with a moronic True or False quiz which simply repeats the same questions with each round of the game. It moves on (though it's flattering to suggest this game has any sense of progress) with the wit and vision of a dead anchovy to a platform game of such unremitting mediocrity that I cannot even crack jokes of Ted Rogers' standard to alleviate the gloom. The jolly chap chats away on the tape between sections explaining the rules. I'd never have thought I'd be glad to hear his voice!

Despite the massively inappropriate blurb, the point is not to encourage family harmony via the home computer "avoiding the isolation that is so often caused by the machines that we are presented with in the modern world(!)", but greed. By sending off your winning scores, you can qualify for prizes which include a seven day holiday in Spain.

And that's where all the money's gone, folks - not on the program.

Assign this one to Dusty Bin. It's so bad that, if I was offered a choice between this and a season ticket at Highbury, I'd seriously waver before buying it. The game, that is.