Mmm... Okay. So then... SpongeBob. A sponge who lives in a pineapple under the sea and, for reasons unexplained, has an arse like a trapezium. We're pretty stumped. If this is kids' television then bring back the Playbus. Harder perhaps than comprehending the adventures of an aquatic, cellulose polymer brick, is the task of basing a game around him. Those poor developers.

Well, base a game around him they did, and, not surprisingly, they've kept things pretty tame. Battle For Bikini Bottom (snigger, titter) is a fine old platformer, nothing more, nothing less, just a little briny between the ears. You'll be collecting sparkly shells, boshing bad guys, flicking switches like every other platform before it, and collecting gems/tokens/coins in order to unlock other sections of the game. Chances are you've played SpongeBob already, you just don't know it yet.

Thankfully, there has been great attention smeared over SpongeBob, ensuring that all his friends, enemies, and cartoon environments have been included. Even Gary the meowing snail makes an appearance (eh?!), which is sure to please the fans of SpongeBob, but something that leaves us old cronies completely befuddled. You're also able to play as Patrick the starfish and Sandy Cheeks the scuba-diving cat throughout the course of the game, and although these guys often have different abilities to 'Bob, the tasks you're asked to complete with them don't alter course too much. You'll still be hitting switches, leaping from platforms, and clouting tracksuit-wearing trout.

There are a few sub-games to SpongeBob, such as bungee jumping using the elastic in your square pants, bubble riding, and the Crash Bandicoot-inspired tongue-surfing sections (lay on your own tongue and slide down a slope smashing boxes for goodies). Plus, there's plenty, and boy do we mean plenty, of oddball humour, and although this gives a fairly standard platformer a little left-of-centre zest, it hasn't gone far enough. It's strange how, for a cartoon that has attracted cult status and is probably responsible for liquidizing the brains of an entire generation, when it comes to indulging in the madness, it's all a little too tame. We wanted to come away from Battle for Bikini Bottom declaring the genius of the feral pigeon and defecating in our shoes before a coloured pill and a kiss goodnight from Nurse, not feeling slightly smug that we've collected all 100 golden coins. Still, if you've got a crazy kid that needs reining in after one too many sessions of SpongeBob on a Saturday morning, this could be the perfect antidote. The ten levels should keep them quiet for some time, and it's got all the great SpongeBob flavour with none of the nasty side effects!

1. Completely insane
2. Faithful to the cartoon series

1. Not inventive enough
2. Levels get samey
3. Will battle non-Spongebobbers

Power
It's a platformer, so there's no great processing power being sucked up by 'Bob's spongy bod.

Style
Now we're talking. It certainly has some charm. Very Nickelodeon, visually quite nice too.

Immersion
Take it, leave it or use it to soak up carpet stains. Immersion
depends on your love of okay platformers.

Lifespan
Ten vast levels with loads of silly side quests make for a lengthy trip through the world of madness.

Summary
Wha? It's barking, but weirdly, not barking enough. It's a platformer with slightly loose fittings. Could've been a stonker.