Ladies and gentlemen, making his way down the aisle, weighing in at 11 stones 3 pebbles, the undefeated champion of very little - Chris 'Paperweight' Hayward!
American Tag Team Wrestling
American wrestling's become quite a phenomenon in recent years, gaining a massive following on both sides of the pond. Little old ladies and spotty-faced youngsters make up the majority of supporters, all screaming and jeering as two blokes sweat, scream and jeer back.
The rules are straightforward; simply batter your fellow behemoth to the canvas then lie on top of him until the ref counts to three. When competing you have to make it *look* real, so if you've a strong talent in the theatrical arts you're halfway there already. Wrestlers also need a vast knowledge of holds and charades. What watch would be complete without a figure-four leg lock (intertwining limbs), a brutal headlock (intertwining brain cells) and a piledriver (intertwining hemorrhoids)? Finally, you need your own style - a gimmick, a trait that sets you apart from other gap-toothed uglies. This could be a glittering cape, a pair of shades, or you could opt for a more obscure device like clutching a satchel of loganberries (that'd be my trademark anyway).
It's A Fix!
Being a tag-team game, you'd expect your tag partner to be on the ring apron, wouldn't you? Well, he ain't! You're only aware of his presence when you make the tag - the sprite crudely changes shape and colour and becomes the other fighter. How unsatisfying. The moves are very limited, with no special throws or skull-cracking kicks. In fact, the majority of the graphics; pardon me, *all* the graphics look like they're made of Duplo Bricks. Each wrestler appears identical apart from the colour of their hair and tights (which, incidentally, resemble a pair of 1940s football shorts). One brute's called 'The Hood' 'cos he wears a balaclava. Does he wear it when fighting? No, he dons the same garb as everyone else.
The strength of the combatants is displayed as an energy bar. You'd think a player could only be pinned if it's empty, but it doesn't seem to matter, especially when challenging the computer. It's just impossible to beat! When the fighters grapple, it's all down to who hits the Fire button first - however quick you are you never seem to win. All you can do is sit back and watch your opponent smashing your head in and winning the three-count.
True tag-team fights usually see all four wrestlers in the ring, double teaming, corner-posts leaps and the like, but no such action occurs here. Wrestling's supposedly light-hearted and a bit of a chortle - laugh? I nearly did!
Ian
Let's face it, beat-'em-ups are generally useless. Final Fight, Final Blow, Wrestling Superstars, Double Dragon, the list of pathetic pugilisms is almost endless.
With American Tag-Team Wrestling, the list gets one game longer. Featuring about as much variety as the speaking clock, it avoids the one-move-beats-all trap by being damn-near impossible. However hard you try, you never seem to win a grapple!
The overall impression is that it was rushed out to cash in on the WWF craze, allowing little time for trivia like playtesting. On the plus side, there's no waggling involved; pity there's no game either!
1st April 1993
