At Mean Machines Sega, we review games because we like them. Sometimes we review games because we don't like them. And on a few occasions, we review games because they give us a giggle. Call us heartless, call us cruel, but some things deserve a kicking with size 11 hobnails.

On another, completely unrelated, topic, Gunship is now out on Megadrive. It promises fast combat action, with impressive 3D sections and taxing horizontal scrolling shoot-'em-ups. Is this the dream simulation for Apache helicopter fans? Hmmmm, I think we should boot up that cart and have a look...

You sweep; you swoop. In the 3D section targets appear as blocky smudges on the horizon, but quickly swell to become... blocky helicopters in the foreground. Use missiles to destroy as many as you bally well can.

Before you start the mission, you choose the exciting path through the enemy installations, culminating in the flag. The only limit on your activities is fuel - so put in lots of refuelling stops. It's a real pity the shop where you got the game isn't on the target list...

You dip; you dive. When the target is reached, the screen changes to a side-scrolling shoot-'em up extravaganza. As in the Thunderforce games, the object is to race across the landscape looking for the key target to that mission.

Pure tripe. Gunship is surely the most unfortunate flying debacle since the Hindenburg or Sega's Afterburner III. In fact, a berth on the Hindenburg would be more fun than a flight in this Gunship.

The graphics are appalling, but particularly the 3D section. It looks as if a day's work has gone into it! Work out for yourself how much gameplay there is in a low-flying that doesn't have any sense of movement.

There is nothing redeeming here at all, hence the low mark.

Gunship. Didn't that used to be a rather smart Microprose Apache helicopter sim for the floppy-based machines?

I thought so. What then, is this piece of complete cack doing masquerading as Microprose's classic? True, US G have tried to remain faithful to the original with a 3D section, but it's so awfully done that it's barely worth mentioning. And as for the horizontally-scrolling bit...!

A horrible piece of software - and one destined for complete obscurity.

Presentation 58%
Adequate, but beguilingly so.

Graphics 18%
Terrible scrolling, terrible colours, terrible sprites.

Sound 32%
A collection of rubbish FX.

Playability 12%
A ghastly experience unrelated to pleasure.

Lastability 10%
You may spend years in therapy recovering.

Overall 11%
The poorest release of 1994 so far.